Sunday, December 9, 2007

One day, while eavesdropping....

I heard a conversation between my 5 yr old daughter, Hannah, and her neighbourhood friends....

Hannah: He IS TOO real...Yes, he did die, but he became alive again.
David: No Hannah. Jesus is dead.
Hannah: He IS NOT!
David: Yes he is. My mom told me.
Kaleb: No he isn't. I saw him on TV.
Hannah: SEE!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


**This post may contain language. But no nudity. Viewer discretion is advised!**

I broke my vacuum. AGAIN. This being the third vacuum in three weeks. I am STILL CERTAIN it is just God letting me know that a) I need to hand over vacuuming duties to someone else...or b) I need hardwood floors.
It does state "He knows the desires of our hearts" yes? So clearly, He is trying to tell me something. Mike has yet to hear Him.
After much thought, I decided to take the third vacuum back. I had only purchased it the week before, and broken the belt twice. I settled the kids, vacuum and myself into the van and set off to Wally World. Not a treck or venture that any of my children enjoy, but one that I wanted to get over with. I needed my vacuum. Even if I didn't use it, I needed to know I had one and could obtain clean floors at a moments notice. The thrill of a clean carpet moved me to set out on this excursion.
About 1/2 hour after leaving, we made it to 'customer service'...Hannah helped by wheeling the vacuum from the van into the store...when we got to the desk, it was not only covered in the dirt from our renovating basement, but managed to obtain some puddle water, a nick from the curb, and possibly a crack or two from Isaiah trying to sit on it while we walked. I was still smiling..all is well.
We were 4th in line. Not too bad. Could be worse. It was vacuuming we're talking about here! Squirmy #1 and #2 found a plant. Managed to knock it over. I was still smiling..although the man behind me did not find it as funny as I. Baby started screaming. Must be tired right? Or was she getting as impatient as I was? The woman in front of me kept looking behind at me. Was there something on my face? Had I looked in the mirror this morning? I couldn't remember. When I got to the counter, the lady didn't even ask about the vacuum. She took my reciept and gave me the money. Odd. Wasn't she to ask me if I wanted an exchange? Must be the lineup! Isaiah was now behind the desk rolling the vacuum around. I was still smiling.
Even this organized, overachiever likes a good adventure now and we set out to get a few baking goods. Well, I set out to get some baking goods...the kids set out for a good old game of hide and seek.
An hour later I had found some lard and butter. Excellent. And since the kids were so well behaved, we decided to get some french fries. By this time we were all ready for some grease.
There were atleast 8 people in line. No problem. Could be worse. It is french fries we're talking about here! I decided I would seat the children and then wait in line. We found a table smack dab in the middle of the store. A lovely old lady was beside us, perusing her recently purchased photos. I started to situate the children, looking after toques, coats..etc when I noticed the lady "harumphing". You know, sighing VERY LOUD. As if she were ticked off at something, but noone knew what. She proceeded to hastily pick up her pictures that she was ever so carefully laying on the table. Something, and something bad, had set her off! Hmm..odd. I continued my undressing. (so there is nudity...sorry!) She continued to "harumph" and then began to glare at us. Then she turned and almost ran to the other side of the store to find a seat.
I settled the kids, went to line up. The lovely old lady quickly walked beside me and budded in front of me. Odd. I almost felt bad for her. I kindly touch her and said "Excuse me. I hope that we didn't make you move from your seat?" As she turned, I knew that I should not have spoken. This lovely old lady, suddenly grew 6 feet and spewed "IT"S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS WHAT I DO" to an oblivious, smiling me. All 15 people in line, (it had grown) turned to look at this lovely old lady, and ME.
For 30 seconds I stood shocked. Then I slowly, infectiously, started laughing. As I looked back at my children, I noticed they were gone. Oh no they weren't. Isaiah was laying on the floor and Hannah was sitting on him.
Ahhh...yes, this is what life is about. French fries, vacuuming and children.
I was still smiling.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

It was then that you carried me....

Have you ever been at the shore of what looks to be the BIGGEST trial of your life?
Ever wondered to yourself "How on earth am I going to wade through that?"
You stand there...staring...thinking there is no possible way.
You ask God "WHY??"
The lake seems too deep.
The other side is too far.
The end is too long.
"I can't do this Daddy."
But you can my dear. WE can. And WE will.

It is then that our Father comes and picks us up.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Attitude of Gratitude...

Today I am thankful for: husband-- he loves me loads. No matter what size I am, makeup or none, heels or flats..he always tells me I'm beautiful! kiddies-- they extend more grace than I deserve.
...A Sunday morning with my hubby home!! -- most Sunday mornings I am by myself, but today, Mike did not have worship, nor did he have to work!! coke -- pure joy each time I drink it..!
...sleep -- what's the saying? " You don't know what you've got till it's gone"? 'nough said!
...blessings -- Mike's belt broke. God blessed him with a brand new one, FREE. From a little hindu woman. God is SO GOOD!!
...neighbours -- God has blessed us with great neighbours, and we love them to bits.
...water -- @ 11:00 p.m. I am now going to enjoy a nice HOT bath!!!!

Friday, September 7, 2007

School Again....

Year # 2 for the Lockwood household...
Although, we were quite excited for Hannah as she was getting a new teacher, and a favourite friend Kaleb (our neighbour) was joining her this year, there was still a bit of nervousness as we didn't want to endure a year like the last.
After a VERY EVENTFUL morning (post to come), we all set off for school for 1:00.

Hannah was very excited to go...she was actually normal--talkative and outgoing, not sad, quiet and sullen as she was last year at school time--she even "forgot" to kiss me goodbye as she ran into the playground...(I did get my kiss as we went inside to see her classroom).
She had a great first day and there was only one person with a few tears---Poor Isaiah!!
Thank you Lord for blessing us this school year--and allowing my big girl to be the person you designed her to be!!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Attitude of Gratitude....

Today I am thankful for my friends.

Yesterday, I was missing my Cheryl. She has always been a constant in my life...someone that portrayed God's love more than anyone else I know.
Five years ago, when my first precious daughter was born, Cheryl was my nurturer. God's love in human form.
Let me explain.
I am a unique person. Lol. You kind of have to get to know me to really understand, and most say, really LEARN to love..ha. God made me different, and a bit quirky. But I'm okay with that... I am strong in my belief that God made me just the way he wanted me, and it's up to me to "perfect" the characteristics that I have learned, inherited or developed over the years that aren't quite like him. I'm a bit anal. In some ways a bit of a perfectionist. I am a tad controlling I don't like to ask for help...quite frankly I enjoy doing things myself. I like my schedules. I don't like change much. I like everything in it's place. But a God of grace and mercy overlooks those. He loves me true, pure and genuine.

So, you see, when my firstborn arrived, I felt like I did real good...and I still feel that way. She was a great baby. I had a GREAT year. I looked at the "season" as one to enjoy, and one that would be shortlived--(although at the time, may not seem that way!) I did not experience post partum, any new mother, I had my days..
That is when my Cheryl stepped in.
She was aware at how intent I was to breast feed, and even though, as a nurse, she new my premature baby might need a bit more milk, she stood by and showed me how to latch Hannah, how to wake her up when she didn't want too, etc... She always made me feel as though I was doing the right thing for me and my baby. She never disrespected my scheduling and always encouraged me, even when I knew she thought I might need to do something a different way.
Most of all, when she left, or hung up. She ALWAYS made sure I was okay and I knew that she was visiting only for me..(Hannah was a bonus!)-- she loved me just for me, and was genuinely concerned at my well being.
I remember Hannah's first "flu". We had thought with a bit of medicine, Hannah would work it through her system. On about day 5, at around 9 at night, when her fever had reached an alarming high, I called Cheryl. I was calm, but very concerned. Cheryl arrived shortly after (somehow finding a babysitter for her handicapped daughter???) and began nurturing both me and my daughter. She explained about a cold bath, gatorade, and how I could administer both advil and tylenol following directions. She comforted us. She prayed with us. And the whole time, while she doctored up my daughter, she made me feel as though she was primarily there for me. Because she loved ME. Sure, she liked seeing Hannah..alot... and she was helping her get better.. but ultimately she wanted to make sure that I was okay.
Loving like so few know how. Like God does.

On Tuesday night, after waking later than I should have to nurse my newborn, I discovered I had developed a very painful infection. After becoming quite sick, and in a lot of pain, I tried to research possible remedies on the internet.
I cried. And I prayed. Wishing my Cheryl was a bit closer than BC.
And then I remembered a friend Jen, once telling me of her experience with her 4th child..and the same infection.
So yesterday, with my 3 kids in tow, I set out to take Hannah to VBS. That is where I spoke with my friend Jen.
She gave me some great information. She studied the infection. Looked at the baby. Told me to rest. To look after me.
She gave me a hug. She even took my oldest children for the afternoon so I could sleep!!!!
But most of all, she loved me for me.
I could tell that she was genuinely concerned for my well being. That it mattered to her that I healed. Sure, she liked seeing Aliah...alot...but ultimately she wanted to make sure that I was okay.
Loving like so few know how. Like God does.

And today, I realize, that I have alot of friends like that. For all of the people in my life that judge me for my decisions, disrespect me with my scheduling, make me defensive by just visiting---God has blessed me with so many more friends who will love me like God does.
True, pure, genuine.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Well… this is Mike writing & not Amy & yes I can’t believe I’m actually blogging & no this will not be a regular occurrence. However, I know my wife’s blog has the attention of many & I just had to share something that has blown me away.

On the most regular of days my daughter Hannah seems to shock me with her actions, comments or demeanor. Today she blew my mind!!! Amy & I have been trying to teach Hannah that money just doesn’t always appear when she reaches into my pocket & pulls it out. Hannah has her own piggy bank that she fills with twoonies & loonies that she earns from doing the odd jobs around the house. Often we attend department stores & head right to the toy isles where her and Isaiah purchase toys that they want. Amy & I only let them purchase toys that they have enough money for. I.e. If they have $10 than they can only purchase something for $10 or less. If they see something they like that is more expensive than they have to keep their money & save up until they are able to purchase what they would like. We have found that this has been a good way for them to appreciate the value of money and of course we spoil them at times if you’re wondering.

Well lately my daughter Hannah has really caught my attention with her giving. Lately I have noticed that every time that Hannah has had a friend over to play she has given them one of her toys to take home & keep. When we asked her about this, she stated that her friends have mentioned that they liked that particular toy & Hannah felt that she needed to bless them with that toy when they departed. If that isn’t crazy enough… today’s episode destroyed every bit of selfish, materialistic, self gain off me possible. Hannah had received $5 from her grandma “Bonot” ffor working hard @ school and had $2 saved from chores so we headed off to Wal-Mart to look for a few things. After Amy had gotten what she needed, we headed over to the toy section. Hannah pulled numerous items off the shelf that she liked & asked Amy if she had enough to purchase certain things. We all know with $7 your not going to get too much. Hannah really zoned in on this wedding dressed barbie that was $19 & Amy told her she didn’t have enough money to purchase it. She had already picked Isaiah his “Lightening McQueen” racecar that she was going to buy for him. Hannah then grabbed this little toy that was worth $4.90 & appeared to be content. Amy asked her, “Hannah, are you sure that this is what you want or would you rather keep your money & save up & come back when you have enough & purchase the wedding dressed barbie”? Watching her, you could really tell that there was this little battle going on in her mind… (Oh I really want the wedding barbie, but Isaiah has a toy now & I want a toy) After she paced the isle a few times she made her decision that cut me to the heart!

Hannah put the toy for $4.90 that was in her hand back on the shelf. I figured she decided to wait & save up to purchase the more expensive wedding dressed barbie. Hannah then walked down to the Hot Wheels area where Isaiah picked his car toy & grabbed a popular racecar. Amy & I were a little dumbfounded. Hannah then stated to us that she has lots of toys at home & really doesn’t need any more & that she would like to take her money & purchase this race car for a young boy her age that lives across the road from us because she would like to bless him.

I wanted to scream out, “Holy Freakin Crap!!! Gods love & abundance flooded my heart immediately. Without knowing it, my daughter has the sowing & blessing principal engraved on her heart already without mummy & daddy’s help. It’s amazing what God can do with clean hands & a pure heart. I tell you this story only to challenge you to look beyond yourself today & to do great things as He has given you the ability to do so.

PS. Tomorrow I will go out & purchase that wedding dressed barbie for Hannah & 100 fold!!!

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Happy Birthday....

Born: Monday July 2nd, 2007
9:36 AM
Weighing: 6 lbs 9 1/2 oz

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Attitude of Gratitude....

Today I am grateful for..

1. My children.... need I say more???
2. My new (to us), almost free, BUNK BED!!! .. Thanks Dad & Jack...Hannah LOVES it...
3. Strawberries...who can resist them? --Ofcourse with cake and whip cream to boot!!
4. My hubby...there is no one quite like him... especially during pregnancy...he's one in a million!!
5. Countdowns! We are in the home stretch!!
6. Lazy, hazy, summer afternoons spent by the pool....followed by free dinner!!
7. God's love.... for reminding me that EVERYONE is a child of God and deserved to be loved...
8. Friends...for checking up on how I'm feeling
9. Chips & Dip .... and for my hubby for indulging me!!
10. Cold, icy water, when it's too hot to even move!!

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Sixty years ago today....

My father was born. June 19, 1947.
Maybe because we think of these things as we get older, or because my dad has/is going through health issues as of late, or maybe because I am carrying a child of my own...but I have been thinking about my grandmother and the birth of her son.
I have many questions for my grandma.
I wonder what the day was like? How much did he weigh? Was he "early" or late? What his siblings thought of him? What she thought of him?
Answers I will never know as my grandmother is deceased, and my dad has no recollection of answers to these questions. Maybe they never talked about it, maybe, after 12 kids, she didn't remember, maybe it's too difficult for him to remember.
Born the 6th child of 12, to a Catholic mother and athiest father, the pain of his childhood was deep. His memories often clouded with an undertone of times gone wrong. Snapshots of a mother overwhelmed with unhappiness, a father boiling with anger. Bad choices made. Wounds cut deep. The enemies lies about not being wanted, not being loved. Lies.

" For I know the plans I have for you..."

I am overwhelmed with the knowledge that God knows all of these things, he knows all of the intimate details of my fathers birth and life. He planned them. He was watching over my father then, just as he watches over him now. He chose my father for "such a time as this" and placed in his pathway the people he needed. Through my dads willingness to change what he "knew" or was "taught", God over and abundantly blessed his life. And, in turn, gave me the best possible dad that I could ask for...the dad that I needed, to help shape me into whom I am today.

Happy 60th Dad...I am so very thankful you never fully believed any of those lies.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

A GREAT time!!

From my blog surfing, I have come to the conclusion that everyone is either spring cleaning, gardening, playing outside, or...having computer problems.. I have been doing a bit of everything mentioned.
HOWEVER...last week, my mother (and father..who couldn't go) took us (PAID!!!) to Great Wolf Lodge in Niagara Falls. My brother, Jason, his wife Brandy, and his 2 daughters, Abigail & Katherine went. As well as the 4 of us. Mom came too. We had an absolute BLAST!!! I think mom was the biggest kid of all.....

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Attitude of Gratitude...

After a very long week, and little time to give to my blogging world...I am now making time to list my blessings for the week..It makes me feel good just thinking about some of these things!!!

Today I am thankful for...

1. sunshine-I absolutely love the sun. Makes me feel refreshed and alive...I LOVE LOVE LOVE it..
2. my hubby--when my dad had his accident this week, Mike sprang into "mikeness" and took charge, going to my dads side and making sure my dad was okay, getting all the goods out of dads car, phoning me often to keep me informed, and the list goes on... when my car up and quit in the middle of the road on Thursday, he came right away, dropped me off at work, and took care of the car---with the kids!! he is so good in "crisis" and makes me so proud to be part of him..
3. my parents--they are the most giving people I know...Mom's taking us to Great Wolf Lodge on Tuesday (for the grandkids ofcourse!!)--she's paying!! Dad brought over some plants and had my toes done--he paid!! They are always giving to us in some way...
4. God's grace--I had some questionable customers today... one man who made me get almost on the floor for some wire b/c he didn't want to get it...(**reminder..bending is near impossible lately!!) one lady who thought I should carry out her water jugs..and the list goes on...
5. dill pickle dip--need I say more?? YUMMY!!
6. dandelions--not a weed in our house.. pretty flowers picked just for mommy!!
7. bleach--such a great product to clean out VERY dirty bathtubs (when the kids decided it would be so much fun to not only play in the big mud pit, but start throwing the mud and wiping it on each other...!! I so wish my camera was working....)
8. my friends the Halls--who also shared their hostas with us!!
9. anticipation--the count down is on until Team Lockwood gets bigger by one...and the anticipation is so real...
10. Love--in all shapes and sizes..most of all God's love.

Thursday, May 10, 2007're it!!

Well...I have been tagged by my good friend Holly...This is the first time I have seen or done this, so hope it works out. Pay attention because I just might tag YOU!!!!Each player starts with 7 random facts/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write on their own blog about their seven things, as well as these rules. You need to tag others and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them that they have been tagged and to read your blog!

1. I am a candy-aholic. This, I'm sure, is not news..but I will go without supper if I can substitute candy. I would much prefer a chocolate bar to a steak....
2. I had my very own peeping Tom... Yeppers..when I lived in Toronto, there was a guy we nicknamed "paintcan tom" because he used to bring a paint can to stand on to see in my window... talk about FREAKY!!!!
3. I HATE clutter...I could be the host of Clean Sweep. (eh Joy??) I will walk over a pile of dirt on the floor...but I can't deal with piles of junk---especially on the counter---(I drive Mike INSANE!!--I'm a bit obsessive!!)
4. I am not a girly girl...I do not wear jewelry (once in a blue only), I seldom use bubble bath, I do not paint my nails (unless I have a pedicure...never a manicure), but I do love makeup! (not so much wearing it, just the colours!)
5. I have a stationary fetish. I love pens and paper. I love lists and writing in books. I think I'm sick.
6. I have a birth mark....ask me where!!
7. I fall up the stairs often. You'd think I'd learn...

So now I tag..... Brandy, Holly, Tamar and Cheryl

This is a test....


This is just a test...I think I've figured out that my browser can not handle all the components to I am trying Mike''s showing different fonts and colours that I can use (mine has no colours as options..) and now I'm trying a link...

Monday, May 7, 2007

Immanuel's Well...

How hectic can life really get?? WOW! May has always been a busy month for us, b/c there is so much "stuff" going on, but the past 7 days have been WILD!!...and there's more too come. Just sit back and enjoy the ride right??

In keeping with Jen's "woman" theme that she has been blogging about, I felt as though I should share a very special poem that I carry around with me.
Last March, I had a wonderful opportunity, thanks to family and friends who lovingly gave in support of me, to go on my first missions trip to Guatemala. It was such an experience for much so, that I have trouble putting into words how it affected me. When I left, I had plans of returning and sending out a newsletter to all my "supporters", to say thanks and share with them what happened....but words couldn't express, and my heart was almost, well, too heavy to explain anything. A year later I am still processing.
On the trip, I met a wonderful lady named Loralee. She is a sister to one of our church members, and her husband and her decided to come. After a week full of many experiences, much of God, and many emotions, Loralee presented all the "ladies' on the trip with a poem that she had written. (You will see she is a WONDERFUL writer). She had written it some time ago, but really felt that it held true to the woman in our group, and was something we could all benefit from reading.
I hope you all will benefit as well.
Here is her poem.

Immanuel's Well

I am in you.
Carry me.
As the woman, drawn by thirst
met Jesus at the well,
so I will send to you.

And you will be like the well,
deep, refreshing.....
And so much so
that they who have been quenched,
will leave you only
to bring back others;
Others to drink at your well.

Your well,
Filled with My Healing Waters.

Carry Me.
And I will carry you.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Attitude of Gratitude...

Okay...once again I have missed Gratitude's my Tuesday list....

1. ice chips -- anyone who has ever been pregnant MUST remember how lovely ice chips were? what a great way to fend off the everpresent heart burn!!

2. my daughter -- so brave today at the doctors. getting 2 needles. "And I didn't even cry mom." "Oh? Those aren't tears in your eyes?" "nope. They just leaked a bit."

3. my son -- in his VERY 2 year old BOY state (do they ever slow down??) he is very kind and loving. He was adamant that he was to go with Hannah "I hab needle too mom."

4. my husband -- who is a gift from God. He has the best sense of humour. (Mike that is..not I have been laughing all day.....and laughing is one of my most FAVOURITE things to do....

5. little and big blessings -- after over a year of having "misplaced" my wedding rings... I was gathering the boxes to take to charity and a small bag fell out of one box. I went to throw it back in the box, when I felt something.... YEPPERS!! My rings!!

6. benefits -- Hannah & I get to go to the dentist tomorrow. So blessed.

7. sunshine -- the better the weather, the better I feel.

8. tums -- a pregos best friend!

9. books -- although I don't make alot of time to read, I do LOVE it... and am currently reading a book I've read many times...The power of a praying wife.... It's awesome. READ IT!! (whether you have a good marriage or not so good'll learn something each time!!)

10. My Father God. Where would I be without him? Words will never express.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Yet another day of grace.....

It seems as though most of my days lately have been filled with some sort of grace...either grace given TO me, or grace given BY me...and many more examples all around me...I've really been questioning God on what exactly he needs me to learn, because I don't know if I can handle anymore of may be what he wants me to learn!!!)

Today, like most days, it took my (almost) 5 year old daughter to once again teach me about grace.
I was puttering around the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes and making supper, while she was outside playing with the neighbour boy. He is 5, yet, he is about a foot taller than Hannah and probably 30 pounds heavier than her. We "babysit" (?) him about 3 times a week while his parents are at work, and the rest of the time, the kids are mostly together..(now that spring is here, it is always outside..) They have definatly started playing like brother and sister---which we all know can sometimes get ugly.
I went about my business when Hannah came into the house holding her nose. Her face was red, and tears were welled up in her eyes. Her nose was bleeding--seemed she had somehow torn skin from the side of her nostril.
"what happened honey?"
"David punched me" she said
"he punched you? David? Why honey?"
"well he wasn't sharing the swing, and I told him he had too, but he didn't want too, so he punched me."
Ofcourse with 5 year olds, some of the stories do need to be sifted through to see what REALLY happened...and I wasn't quite sure if there was something I was missing....I knew that kids will be kids, but I was pretty mad. I, being 31, wanted to march out there and take ahold of the kid, being 5, and TELL HIM WHAT I THOUGHT!! (Ha...imagine...and I proclaim to be an "adult")
Instead I took Hannah in my arms and gave her a big hug. We discussed a few more things, put a bandaid on her nose, and dried her tears.
"can I have a poptart mom?" she asked after we fixed her up
"well, okay" I couldn't say no...she just got punched in the face...
While I was getting the poptarts down, I asked "what do you want to do now then?"
"Play with David"
HUH??? Did she just say what I thought she said?? Play with the guy who just punched her in the nose?? The guy who wouldn't share with her or be her friend??
"you do?" I ask.
"yep. and can we break the poptart into pieces? David needs a piece too.."
OKAY...had I just heard her right? Not only did she want to play with this fellow, but she wanted to share her treats with him?? What wasn't I getting?? Much to my dismay, I had to admit I WAS the adult in this situation...why was I having a hard time extending grace, when my baby handed it out like it was candy?---and to a 5 year old to boot!!!
So often we carry around offences and grief, hold grudges and judgement, about what someone did, or someone said. We spend precious time focusing on what happened, who did it, why they shouldn't have...etc..etc......
when all we really need is the grace of a 5 year old.
To think of all the times I should have went back out to play and shared my poptarts....and instead I chose to stay inside and cry about the blood on my face, and the pain in my would have been so much easier if I had extended a bit of grace......

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Even in darkness....

The water was cold, yet she stayed in. She hadn't the energy to get out.
How long had she been in there anyways? She couldn't recall.
All she remembered was the fight.
Lately it seemed as though it always ended that way. There had become so much distance between them...she wondered would it ever be the same?
She had been crying for hours. Had she finally run out of tears?
Maybe---for today.
She remained still. The water, although too cold, still allowed that sense of comfort. It had become one of her only comforts... It warmed her when she was cold, the sound of the water moving calmed her senses. It was a constant, was always waiting for her, ready to envelope her. She felt cleansed, renewed. It allowed her, for a moment, to become weightless..
As she sat in the dark this night, she recalled the reason she chose the blackness. Absolutely no light. If she let herself, she could fall into the thinking that that is how she felt--dark, black-- but she wouldn't, she couldn't let herself go there again. Tonight she would not dwell on that, and instead, she would recite the words that had been going through her head since she read them. She was going to try something...see if the words were real. She wanted to believe. She had to believe.
"I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--BUT EVEN IN DARKNESS I CANNOT HIDE FROM YOU." (Psalm 139)

There it was. It had to be true. It felt true. It was true.
As she arose, grabbed for her towel, she continued to memorize these truths. She wanted these in her spirit. She needed these in her spirit. She just might need them again.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Viewer Discretion is ADVISED!!! post tonight is for Joy too...Hope you enjoy!!!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Attitude of Gratitude...

Even if it's Wednesday...

Today I am thankful for:

1. 40 comments on a nothing post--made me laugh on an otherwise difficult 2 days
2. McDonalds French Fries--the only thing that works some days too keep the food down
3. Automatic Dishwashers--so I don't have to wash the stinkies by hand (and end up not keeping the food down)
4. The thought of fuzzy slippers--knowing bending to get socks on is a chore
5. Toothbrushes--enough said
6. And yet another start to spring--hearing my children laugh outside made me smile
7. My children--for being very thoughtful and forgiving even at their young ages
8. My husband--for cooking the chicken and putting the kids to bed
9. Diet Coke--no comments please
10. A loving, merciful, gracious Father God--for paying the price for all of our mistakes and bad days.

"The Lord is gracious and compassionate....slow to anger and rich in far as the east is from the west....THAT"S HOW FAR HE HAS REMOVED OUR TRANGESSIONS FROM US!!!"

Monday, April 16, 2007

The only good thing I have to say today is that it WON"T BE LONG until we are doing this again. LOL! (Thinking of my happy place...)

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Day of Laughter...

Shari mentioned in a comment that we should have days of gratitude, reflection and at least one of laughter in our, b/c I have no good stories tonight, I will post these cute sayings of children...

Pay attention to the wording and spelling...They have not been retouched or corrected...They are from a catholic school test....

1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
4. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
5. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
6. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
7. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
8. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
9. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
10. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkesteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
11. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
12. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
13. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
14. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
15. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
16. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
17. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
18. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
19. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
20. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.
21. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

Friday, April 13, 2007

A part of me...

(YES!! Mike is sleeping IN the crib with Isaiah....!)

I have been hesitant to write this for a long time now. a) I do not want to sadden those of you who are facing difficult situations. It's a very tender subject. b) at times people don't always understand...and no matter how you try to explain it, they don't see it the way you feel it... (sounds like a relationship doesn't it??!!)

You see, I think there is one person on this planet that I love "more" than anyone....(I am hesitant to say "more" you will see why).. Maybe I should say "different".?

I have been so blessed with my life. I have a wonderful family. My parents would do anything for me. They love me unconditionally and always have. My brother..enough said. I have 2 beautiful, wonderful, amazing children, whom I love with every fibre of my being. A love that is so unique, so genuine, so pure. True blessings.
These are blessings that were chosen FOR me. God knew these were the people that I needed in my life, to shape who I am.
He gave them to me, no choice, no decision, just as a blessing.

There is one blessing, however, that was chosen BY me. (Don't get me wrong-- I believe God purposed our lives, but we could have chosen different paths.)
And maybe that's why I feel the way I do...because it was my choice. And now I have to live with my choice.
But I LOVE living with my choice.
I absolutely, with everything I am, love and adore my husband.
Sure, there are times...(we have all been there, we will all be there...Why can't he just pick up??!! lol)
But when I forget all the petty things, and focus on who he is, I am amazed at how God has blessed me with a choice I made. Mike is the most perfect husband for me. He loves me more than anything. And I know it. He adores me. He always stands behind me, whether he agrees or not. He thinks I am beautiful. He never makes me feel inferior, or less than. Always esteems me in front of our children. Will not allow them to sass or back talk to me. He is an amazing father. He loves his children. He wants only the best for them, and he knows that they need him. He loves God and strives to be more like him despite his failures. He takes his job seriously and works hard at it. (It amazes me that he can go to work, deal with drug dealers reaching for guns, gay lovers so ravished with aids that they are running around the streets naked, drunk men who have just broken their girlfriends arm-while their children watch, a depressed man who has just shot his head off, being spit on regularly, being called a ***@@@ and a $#%* nightly---and then come home to us and extend to us so much love.)
He is often misunderstood and judged.
But I don't see any of that.
I see a choice I make, and a choice he makes, and that God over and abundantly blesses us with our choices.
Mike is a part of me. A part that I love more than any words can express.

And because I have the freedom of love in my marriage, it allows for me to openly strive for, and seek, a love for God like no earthly love. I am in awe that I am able to love EVEN MORE than I do. God loves me so much more than anyone could, and I am free to choose to love him back. And love him with all my heart, mind and soul.

I am blessed by my husband.
You may, or may not have such a blessing.
But we are all given the opportunity to give and take the love of God.
The earthly love we feel is NOTHING in comparison to the heavenly love that is just waiting for us to take.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Small post, small request...

Hey guys.
Small post tonight, checking my email, taking a bath and GOING TO back has been giving me troubles as of late, so it is time to rest!!!

Tomorrow, Wednesday April 11 (in the afternoon) dad has yet another doctors appointment..this time to tell more news of what it "may" be...
Any and all prayer is requested..
If you know him, you love him, so send out a healing prayer for him!!
(oh yeah, peace for my mama, as it takes it toll on her too!!)

THANKS blogging friends!!

"Because God is the best, High King over all the gods. In one hand he holds deep caves and caverns, in the other hand grasps the high mountains. He made Ocean-he owns it!! His hands sculpted Earth!" Psalm 95 (Message)

Thursday, April 5, 2007

These are a few of my favourite things....

Almost daily, I thank God for my hearing. What a different world it would be for me if I could not hear my favourite things...
and this is a VERY long list.... (I could NEVER write them here are a few)

I love the sound of my daughter singing. She loves to sing any song. Oft times she just makes up her own. " I love my mama, and my daddy too...but I love Jesus best of all." The sound of a pure, genuine love for God. (Why WOULDN"T we sing of our love for Jesus??)

I love the sound of my son learning new words, and putting these words into sentences...I beam when he reads (memorizes) books-- "Siny an bight (Shiny and bright) Keen cah (Clean Car)" The sound of a mind soaking up all it can get..everything he hears. The sound of growth.

I love the sound of thunder in the middle of the night. Waking up to a rainstorm is pure joy to me. The sound of the wonder of this world God made.

I love the sound of children playing. Screaming, laughing, crying... The sound of relationship, of peace, of love.

I love the sound of my neices (Katie) laughter... It comes right from her "gut" though nothing else has ever been so funny. It makes you laugh, even it it wasn't the slightest bit funny. It brings me to tears knowing she has joy in her mixed up world.

I love the sound of my father singing. A bit off key, a pitch to high, but the sound of a man that has come SO far, has taught me so much and has the love of Jesus deep down. (Why WOULDN"T we sing of our love for Jesus???)

But tonight, I love the sound that is coming from upstairs. The sound of a father and his children. The sound of a very tired man (after a VERY long week) and two needy, longing children to be with their daddy....
"I'm going to get you......AHHHHH!!"
A scream of pure joy..
"No you aren' daddy..." giggles all around

Then a book. One of each child's choice.

Then the sound of 3 voices mingled together..
"Our father"
"Who aught in heaven"
"halow be name"
The POWER (the voices get louder)
The GLORY (and louder)
FOREVER AND EVER....(now they are shouting)

Does it get any better than this?

Thank you Lord for being able to hear your blessings.

Monday, April 2, 2007

Gratitude Saturday....

So..I'm a little late....When you work weekends, you must be prepared to alter your schedule...Plus..better late than never...

I am thankful for.....

Dirty children---I love springtime. Dirty clothes, dirty children, dirty bathtub. I LOVE to see the mud smeared down their cheeks and grass stains on their knees. It means fresh air. God's goodness. Memories. Funtimes.
I am so thankful for dirt.

Hot water--- to not only wash the dirty children and the dirty clothes, and the dirty tub, but to eventually unwind in once those dirts are asleep...ahh.

Funny children---I guess not so wisely, I jokingly called Hannah a "dirtbag". She was absolutely filthy. Since she was just getting out of the tub, she said "MAMA! I'm not a dirtbag. I'm a cleanbag." .. Made me laugh.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

The mask of HIS countenance...

I am so grateful that God blesses us with children. I am also grateful that he believes that we will make good decisions while raising them. It's not always easy, but he trusts us.
One of the decisions that Mike and I have made is to try to be 100% honest in everything that we do. Which, in our house, means that Santa does not bring presents, and the Easter bunny does not leave the eggs. Mommy does. It's a decision that we feel necessary for us..(don't give me slack, I have had TOO MUCH slack as it is.. I won't judge you, please don't judge me)
Having said that, we have already had to sit down with Hannah and explain to her that, although we may not participate in some rituals, lots of children do, so we better be very careful as to what we say. (Not like the little guy in my Sunday school class who told the class that Santa was dead...I almost died myself when he said it..!!) Poor Tori Maracle thought her life was over..."Is he REALLY dead Amy?? OH NO NOT SANTA!!"

Today, we were able to retrieve Mike's motorcycle from storage. It's always a welcome day when he can dust off the machine and let all his cares and worrys blow in the wind. We had the little guy next door with us. (He has become my second son I think) On the way back home, we were driving ahead of Mike, and Hannah jokingly said (I'm not sure never know what kids are thinking of..)
"Don't worry mama, daddy will catch up to us. He has his magic hat on." (??)
A few moments later, Hannah asks me to slow down.
"But I'm not speeding honey."
"But daddy isn't coming, and he needs you to go slower."
Just then a hear a squeak from the back... it's David, the neighbour..
"Hannah..he's going to catch up to us. He has his majic hat on"
"Oh David" Hannah sighs "Majic isn't real. It's alushon. (she meant illusion) He CAN"T have a majic hat."
"yes it is.."
"Mahic Nah Wheel.." The 2 year old decided we needed his two cents worth as well..
So then the "yes it is's" and the "no it's not's" start...
"GUYS" I say.
"Well I'm donatella" (the ninja turtle) David barks.
"No you are not!" Hannah replys
"yes I am."
" are not. You are not a donatella...and you are NOT a turtle." Hannah whines
"Yes I AM!"
"GUYS" I am ready to stop the car for the bickering. "Stop fighting please."
"But MOM...He isn't a turtle.."
"Well I am when I get home. I put my mask on..and that makes me a ninja turtle.."
I chuckled. I made a mental note to speak with Hannah when we were alone. It sure is hard to learn what and what not to say...
Later on this afternoon, I was pondering the conversation. Was it possible to be too literal? It sure was okay to pretend....that's one of the ways we increase our imagination...
And then I imagined it, a broken, shattered me, human, sinful in many days where people would tell me I wasn't what I "thought" I was... I wasn't "really" that.. but I knew, in my heart, that once I had the "mask" on,(a mask I NEVER want to take off..) the countenance of HIM, that I was (AM!) anything he told me I could be. I couldn't be that on my own, but with HIS help, and his white garments, I could be all of what I thought..and much more.
I am so thankful for a God who allows us to make mistakes, to be too literal, to lose faith in ourselves, but remind us, daily, that by outfitting ourselves in him...we can be and do anything. Anything that he has planned for us.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

Gratitude Saturday....

Okay Hollster...You've started it and Cheryl has seconded ( word!!) the motion...Here I am in third...

Today I am thankful for..

My daddy... he sanded Isaiah's new room ALL day that we can have it ready for him to move into since the new baby is taking his "room"

My hubby... he worked ALL day today so that we could buy Hannah a new bed (WOAH...those things are expensive!!) seeing as Isaiah will be taking hers..and the baby will be taking his crib. (not to mention all the other junk that goes along with building a new bedroom...the list is SOOO long)

Myself... lol.. I managed to launder and fold (8 loads!) the winter stuff (organize what goes where and to who), clean out my makeup bag (lots of giveaways..if anyones interested!!) and paint Isaiah's dresser.

Thanks Holly for letting us remember the good things the Lord does for us and the good people the Lord blesses us with..

Friday, March 23, 2007

Leave the rest to God....

Mike sent me this email today...Thought the verse was nice, but the picture is amazing...

Isn't God GREAT???!!!!

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed
to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken
probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts
too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with
your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose
someone you love.
So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love
like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.
Live simply. Love generously.
Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

"I always thank my God...

I woke up feeling blessed.
My shifts for the week keep getting altered. It's wonderful. Lol. Today I was not needed until 10:00 am. Blessing. I went to the store to get some pullups and recieved a free lipstick. Blessing. (not my colour..but..still) Picked up my kids at moms and dinner was waiting for me. Blessing. Getting an easter cream mcflurry when Mike comes home (hopefully thats soon!) Blessing. Being able to hear one of my favourite broadcasts on the radio. (it came on during my drive to work) Blessing. Having my brother come over to mud Isaiah's new room. Blessing.
The radio show that I love, and was able to hear this morning, is called Walk in the Word. He was speaking on the book Philemon. Here, Paul, a man in prison, writing a letter to a newer christian (about another new christian that was once his slave who ran away from him b/c he was an awful "master), and he starts his letter describing his thanks.
Then Dr. M states that he believes "thankfullness is a choice."
I stopped listening mind starting wandering. Was it a choice for me? hmmmm...

Some mornings you will find me laying on the bathroom floor after my morning session with big T (my toilet) weeping like a baby (because of a baby)
but most days you will find me wiping off my mouth, brushing my teeth and thanking God that I can carry children. (some woman can't)

Some nights you will find me at 1:00 am sitting bright eyed on my couch with the phone in my hand, weeping like a baby (because of a baby) wondering why Mike hasn't cleared his "situation" (from work) with me,
but most nights you can find me peacefully sleeping, or reading, or watching tele, thanking God that he takes care of my hubby when he is in dangers way.

Some mornings you may find me rushing around the house, yelling at my children to HURRY UP, weeping like a baby (because of a baby) knowing that I have to go to that dreaded work place,
but most mornings you will find me kissing sleepy heads goodbye thanking God that I have a flexible boss and co-workers who really aren't that bad.

Some nights you may find me kicking the existance out of the growing piles of dirty clothes on my basement floor, weeping like a baby (because of a baby)
but most nights you will find me smiling with thankfullness knowing I have water to wash the clothes, money to buy soap for them, and my very own lugging to a laundry mat.

And the list could go on...

So is thankfullness a choice for me?
You bet it is. Daily. Hourly. Some days every minute.
But it's a choice I'm willing to make. A choice to be thankful. Thankful for all things.
And now that my mcflurrys in my belly...
I go to bed feeling blessed.

Saturday, March 17, 2007

With child...

If you haven't yet read Jen's newest must go and read it NOW. It's beautiful. It got me thinking. (Which is a welcome idea with 2 younguns running
Woman can naturally relate to any description of childbirth. It's something that the majority have done, or will do. Although we all have unique stories, they are all real, and very vivid in our mind. Obviously, in my state, it is very real to me... it won't be long until I end up in the delivery room myself (or an ambulance, or maybe even Walmart...) to birth another child.
What I have recently been pondering on is the wonders that God allows while we are carrying the child.... aside from all of the pains, and aches..the puking and nausea..the growing and tenderness... there is another, totally different side to "pregnancy".
During each of my ultrasounds (with 3 different babies) the technician remarked how very active and stubborn each was (funny, b/c the current 2 are very different from each other..) yet in my womb, they were all similar. Some nights as I lay in bed, when the quietness comes, I can feel legs just a givin' er and arms a flailin'. It's absolutely amazing... And I remember how remarkable pregnancy is. The forming of different body parts and organs at specific times.. then once all is formed, there is still a period of growth, a period where all has to be set in place, a bit more fat or a bit more hair... a little bit of something.
And then, in HIS timing, the birth.
But before all of "that" happens, there is a glorious miracle taking place to form the "child". If we allow ourselves to focus on the puking and aches, we may not realize that there is so much more going on... a unique, miraculous formation. Growing and movement and developing....
And as my spiritual womb is quickening, I MUST focus on the life that God is forming, the "child" that is moving and growing, not on the aches and pains that come along with it.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Small Blessings...

So I've pretty much been in bed for the past 2 days.
My poor children.
I'm not sure if I've got a touch of the flu or if it's just this girl that I'm carrying, but whatever the case, my energy is zilch. We've watched a bit too much t.v., read a few books, and played a few games, but didn't move any more than was absolutely necessary. I began to think of my schedule for the next week or so...Saturday (tomorrow) I am to work, Sunday I teach, Monday I have a dr.s appt and then am supposed to go to work until Friday. Not something I usually do, but am doing as a favour for my boss. We are getting audited, and he asked if I could help out next week. So, I changed my schedule, Mike's schedule and my mom's schedule..and made it happen.
Today, however, I was dreading the decision.
Until the phone rang.
It was my boss.
Seems the auditor is not available until Tuesday. I have Monday off.
Thank you God.
He knows I was trying to help out, but knew more that I needed rest, and made if possible for that.
I think he changed their scheduling so I could have an extra day off.
He sure does love me.
Small blessings really do mean alot.

God sees the little sparrow fall...I know he sees me too!!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

More pics for Cheryl...

Here's a few more of Cheryls cool do. I'll try to put as many as computer takes awhile to upload. Tomorrow I'll try to post some of Lindsays new room. (cheryl...your new hairdo gives me hope for Hannah's scraggles...she wants it long right now, but it's SO messy..God give me Someday hopefully she'll pick a sweet pixie cut.)

For Cheryl....

I'm trying to post some pics for Cheryl since she can't do it on hers...Here is her new do' Nice eh???

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Bloomin' BEAUTIES!!

Today was a long day for me.
I left the house at 6:30 this morning, went to work (with about 15 minutes for lunch), stopped off to look at a mattress, and ended up at my parents house so I could send my taxes. I made it home a bit after 6:00 p.m. Thankfully, my loving husband had the kids fed and bathed. We exchanged hellos and goodbyes at the door, and then I was left with reality of home. After a bit of talking and hugging, the kids sat down with a snack to watch their nightly "program" before bed. I folded 2 loads of laundry and put the dishwasher on. Shortly after, we got situated for our books, prayed, talked & slumber.... A bit more multitasking, and finally, at 8:39 I headed to the kitchen to start a bath and heat up some supper.....
That's when it happened.
The toll of the day takes hold.... half undressed, I looked in the mirror, and thought "man, you're getting fat..."
WHY??? WHAT??? Obviously, I'm a bit bigger than normal...(considering the 22 weeks of baby growing inside me..) but even still..I'm far from fat.
As are any of you girls...
So why do we judge ourselves like this???
Immediately, I took it back. I got my robe and headed downstairs for a minute. God lead me to this picture of me and a lady I met in Guatemala. I don't know that she had ever seen a mirror, camera, reflection.(most of the women did not know it was them who was staring back at them from our little cameras!!!)
She was so not beautiful in our standards... the teeth, the sagging (she was still nursing somebodys' child!!), the embedded dirt, the long messy hair...none of it was what we would proclaim as beauty.
But you can't look at this woman without feeling something...she was genuinely gorgeous. The love of Jesus that filled her was far more than any earthly beauty we acquire for...
I know that as we all reform towards the image we want (through healthy eating and needed excercise) we are getting much more INNER beauty from whom God is forming us to be. It can't help but be portrayed on the outside.. And we are blessed to be reminded, when we slip up, that in God's eyes we are beautiful.
What a wonderful way to begin spring.... blooming beauties.

Friday, March 9, 2007

God keeps his promises....'s March break... a welcome week to weary children.
I have one of them.
My fun loving, contagious, spirited child, does NOT like to go to school. My personal opinion is that her teacher is not properly fitted for a classfull of 4 year olds. Still, we wake up every morning, put on a good face, and brave the halls of school. Some days it takes all I have to watch her walk away onto the playground. I come home blurry eyed much too often. ( I know there are many options for us, but we really felt that we were to stick this year out. We prayed hard making sure we were making the right choice in schools, and believe that she is where she is to be....)
On a recent interview with the teacher, she expressed concerns that Hannah wanted to colour everything in rainbow colours.
"For instance," she says, "take this frog. It should be green. She wanted to colour it a multitude of colours. We need to teach her to use one colour only."
Well, the human in me wanted to punch the lady right there.. (can you picture this?? Me, just hauling off and decking this lady!!) But I refrained, cause, well, a cop was sitting beside me.
"Hannah really likes colours, and I don't see the problem with her colouring it whatever colour she wants." I said
"Yes, but frogs are green, and we need to colour them properly."
I thought this was ridiculous, but also knew this was the ladys first year, and she was getting alot of slack already. My grace kicked in this once, and I let it pass--for now.
Wednesday night I reminded Hannah of what the teacher said.
"Hannah honey, Ms. A says that you colour your pictures in rainbow colours. Like the frog."
"Do you know what colour a frog should be?"
"Okay, well I was just wondering why you were colouring in lots of colours and not just one.?"
"Because I like colours mama. Pink, purple, blue, red...I like them all!!"
A moment passed.
"Plus mama. Do you know what a rainbow is?"
"Yes, I do. Do you?"
"Yeah. It means trust. That God keeps his promises."
A tear rolled down my cheek. Ofcourse it would take a 4 year old to point out, that in the midst of maybe the most painful time of her day, during which she is somewhere she does not want to be, a place where she wonders why she has to go at all, she colours her picture in a reminder that GOD KEEPS HIS PROMISES.
I am sure God blesses us with children to remind us of his love, and to teach us much more than we know.

"The Lord is faithful to all his promises..." Psalm 145:13

Drum roll please......

This one's for Hollster....

It's a.......................


Thursday, March 8, 2007


I've got a post in my head about God's promises, but I haven't made the time to sit and write it. Maybe after my ultrasound this afternoon I will... But for now I wanted to send a quick post to a good friend.

I had great pleasure to get out of the house this morning and visit with some gals. We all invaded Holly's house, 4 woman, 5 kids. It was good to be able to set aside time to get some adult talk in. (It's always about the kids anyways..but still good!!)
What really struck me today was an attitude that my friend (and I'm sure yours as well), Holly carried.
From the moment we arrived she spoke with my 2 year old, Isaiah, as if he were actually human. We all know that when you visit places with young kids, those that have older kids sometimes forget, or are glad they are out of the toddle stage, often babytalk or even ignore your kid(s). I even do that sometimes with visiting kids if I don't stop and think about it.
Holly immediately took Isaiah upstairs to find some toys, and the whole time talked to him in real conversation about Josiah's room and his toys, etc. After the other moms and kids arrived, she took time to get on the floor with Isaiah and play with him. All the while joining in conversation with us. She never once made me feel as though bringing my kid was an inconvienience, but was the opposite and made him (and I) feel especially welcome. Sometimes I turn down offers to meet with friends, b/c I always feel the kids are looked upon as a nuisance to the other parties. I figure my time will come soon enough when the kids are grown.
Today was different.
Thank you Holly for showing true love, as Jesus would.

Love, Amy

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

Check out the P.S.

Girls that have already read my previous post about "be careful what you ask for.." Check out my P.S. I totally forgot until I got home (I wrote it at my moms.)

Be careful what you ask for!!!

So, we all know that it's true...we spend most of our day wondering if there might be SOMETHING that will happen to us that day worthy enough to blog....
Well, today is my day!!

I set out to my hair appointment a tad early this morning. It feels as though, by the time I dress myself,and both the kids, my day is almost over. Lol. I'm always running out the door....Today was going to be different. Mike was home. I had lots of time. I headed out the door, jumped into the blessing of a car we own, and get about my way. I had decided I would stop at Walmart for a few minutes to check out the bicylces. It''s hard to make anything a surprise if the kids are always with you... On my way there, I noticed that the gas guage was going squirrly..which isn't unusual for this car. Sometimes it says full when it's empty...sometimes it says empty when its full....Lol.. I realized that I would be safer if I skipped Wally world (seeing as I would probably end up late anyways if I started looking around) and headed for the gas station. Wouldn't you know that the one on the way was out of gas.... I had forgotten that we were on a semi-gas shortage. I hoped that I had lots of gas to get to Madoc. I began a nice leisurely drive to Madoc, putting in my headphones and turning on the iPod. Yes, the car has no radio either...It really has been a good car for us, just is getting old. We only usually drive it to work and back, and a few other places-like Madoc. Suddenly I felt that I was being tugged to the right shoulder...
Wow, I thought, that wind is strong.
Thinking nothing of it, I drove on. A bit more down the road I heard an awful noise...not from my iPod, something louder. I removed my earplugs and listened. THat's coming from my car, I think...Yes it is. I immediately pulled over.
Out I got. Brr...It was cold.
I walked around the car..what could it be?...Then I saw it. A flat. And a dousie. Right down to the rim.
I chuckled.
I got back in the car and put my earphones in. A bit of Chris Tomlin was all I needed....
"How can I keep from singing your praise...How can I ever say amazing is your love..How can I keep from shouting your name, I'm a child of the King and it makes my heart wanna sing..."
Okay. I took the earplugs out. Now, what was I to do?? I had never learned how to change a tire...(maybe that should be my next reformation...get mechanical!!)
I picked up my phone. I'd call Mike.
Ring, ring, ring,...eight times. Please God, let him answer..(knowing Mike he had the music on fullblast, and his electric guitar just a rockin'')
Mike..I have a flat.
Hello? Hello? click
Oh no. My cell phone was in a "valley". No connection.
I tried again.
Hello? Hello? click.
Thank goodness for call display...he called back. twice.
Ï have a flat."
"where r you"?"
Ï tried 3 times to call him and tell him. Finally the phone rang- yet again. This was it..I was gonna yell and run...I got out of the car, starting running towards Belleville...yelling:
Ï'm on my way."he says... WHEW. it worked. I looked like a knob, but IT WORKED!!
I get back to the car and jump in. By this time I had turned the car off because, well, you know..I was still concerned about that gas guage.
My wait began. I put my music back on, but wasn't really paying attention now... suddenly the diet coke I had earlier been drinking (at the beginning of my leisurely drive) decided to kick in. Uh-oh. A prego needing to go BAD... AND it was getting pretty darn cold in that car.
Then I saw it...the beautiful maroon van, that, up until this point I had despised the sight of...Did it look good!! In the car I noticed my daughter, (Mike had somehow managed to pick her up from school in the middle of the kaos..and early to boot..), my son (with no hat..but we won't mention that to MIke) and my beloved hubby. He shuttled the kids in the car, popped the trunk and started on the tire.
"Hurry up or you'll be late" he reminds me.
And so, safe in my (now) wonderful van, with a largely protruding bladder..I head out.
And..(by my clock on the van) I arrived at 11:59. 1 minute to go. (which I thankfully used in the bathroom)
After today, I don't know that I will ask God for any stories to blog.

P.S. After Mike changed the tire in the bitter cold, bought another tire, came home and changed that one-in the bitter cold, he went out again for a brief moment....AND RAN OUT OF GAS!! Now that's funny!!!

Monday, March 5, 2007

Another day...

Hey girls... (and guys??) -
I've been trying to hook Mike on this reforming thing, but he ain't game... just stares at me with this wierd look and shakes his head. He's not sure about the posties either, BUT I have convinced him that it would be so much simpler for me just to write on the walls (my stickies are around my treadmill, which is in basement, which is not finished....) so I was thinking that black magic marker would be great. Stickies, whether from walmart or the dollar store, do not stick well to bare wood or drywall. This way it would be permanent, I could always see it, AND what a great thing, down the road, when another family moves then we're hoping the basement to be finished, and the kids grown a bit.... so, we'll see... either way, I hope we all can post some pictures at the end of the month of our ever growing posties...

No great stories today, nothing too interesting, except to say that I am really enjoying this blogging, and the 21 day reformation. Thanks Cheryl for including us in. And a BIG welcome to my best friend Joy who has just joined us. (check out her is to the right under JOY).

"He who began a good work in us...will carry it unto completion!!!"

Friday, March 2, 2007

Day #2...UGH!!

So here we are, the "Reformation Team", excited and beaming with anticipation. We read the blog a few days ago, prayed and meditated on what God had in store for us, and jumped on the band wagon to reformation. felt good. All these girls ready to change. Change their weight, change their outlook, change their habits...something, anything that fit for them. It felt so good. God was up to something. Literally from the east to the west. It was time for change.....
Then day #2 came.
I have yet to feel the excitement today. Lol. I think it has passed.
An "issue" that I have been dealing with for years now (I'm sorry I cannot publicly display for chances of offending--it's not huge, just won't go away!! ha), suddenly POPPED UP today. Imagine. And everytime that I have to go down this road, my self worth lowers. It's an issue that attacks my motherhood, my ability as a wife, my decisions and my whole being. And it DRIVES ME CRAZY!! I want to jump up and yell. I want to find a frying pan and run frantically down the road, screaming, with my housecoat on. (Why my housecoat? Who knows...I just feel comfortable in it!!) I want to throw things at my wall. (or people!) I want to move 10 000 miles away. I do none of this though. lol, I do however, spend a fair bit of time crying. It literally drains me physically, emotionally (especially today--being pregnant!) and at times, spiritually. I usually put on some worship music and try to mellow, then forget. In 16 years it has never gone away.
But now, I'm not going to try to forget. I am going to turn some music on, do my #1 reformation on the treadmill, and bring my bible with me. I am going to read my posties, remind myself that I am worthy. I am a good mom. A good wife. A good person. I may not feel love from everyone in my life, but I can't help but feel love from my Saviour. My King of Kings. The one who knows me best, and loves me best. And I will pray to look at this "issue" as God does. He alone is my refuge.

Wow Cheryl...I could have done without this, really it's all good.
I am so glad God continues to change and reform us, the good, bad and the ugly!!
Still not excited, but keeping on keeping on!

"How great is the LOVE the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of GOD!! And that is what we are!!" 1 John 3:1

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Has anyone checked out Cheryl's new blog?

I was taking a mini "break" today, putting my list aside for 10 minutes to check my email and surf "my" blogs... I sat with my diet coke, some eggies, and my blogs...filling my addictions felt wonderful. That's when I came across Cheryls blog. It intrigued me...set me to thinking..what a grand idea...starting something and hoping it to be a habit the first day of spring...genius! I spent a few more minutes surfing, then grudgingly picked up my list. (By this time Isaiah had managed to have marked the whole list up, crossed out most of the lines and made beautfiul 2 year old swirlies over most of the page.) I quickly jotted down another list...finish laundry, bake cookies, organize Hannah's closet..etc...
We (Isaiah and I) headed up the stairs to tackle a job...he began to sing to the radio "evting gwoious", I began to ponder on my "reformation". It brought me to this time last year.
New Years Day, 2006. I fell down the stairs. Nothing major, lots of bruises, an ambulance bill, and a crying daughter. Shortly after that, however, I began having trouble with my eyesight. I began a process of eye doctor appointments, eye medicines, and constant glasses--no more contacts. Oddly enough, the hardest part of it all, was one of the restrictions I had. No makeup. For 4 months. The doc told me this, and I thought.."Oh well, no big deal"---and it wasn't--until the first time I had to "go out". It was amazing how this affected me. Now, you see, I know that I'm far from model material, but I definately don't tell myself I'm ugly. I truly believe God made me the way I am for a reason, and he lovingly placed Mike in my life to encourage and uplift me. Mike thinks I'm beautiful no matter what. But, at that time he could have told me 1000 times and I would have still felt .... less than. I couldn't understand why I felt that. I didn't feel the need to always wear makeup, I never went to the store with it on. I used it on occasion. Yet, I still felt different. As though it mattered. It was as though not having the option changed my self image. STRANGE.
Thus began my journey (yet another..right!??) of self worth. A lesson I felt I had known for some time, and could probably teach on.
Now, a year later, with 95% of my eyesight back, and a brand new pair of glasses, I want to revisit that place again. I want to reform my thinkings yet again. I want to remind my 31 year old, 20 weeks along, 10 pounds heavier me, that God loves me so very much. He made me in his very own image....and that she who fears the Lord is to be praised.(the beginning of that verse is beauty is Sometimes, with everything else going on around us, we need to take some time for us, and remember we are beautiful in his sight. And that's all that matters.
So, my sticky notes will be on my treadmill. Verses of God's love for me. Reminders of some of the good things I am. Pats on the back for what I have done, and what I CAN DO--through him who gives me strength.
Join me. It's good for the soul.

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent"......Eleanor Roosevelt

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

With glowing hearts indeed....

I sat looking at the beast. It seemed larger than before. Scarier than I'd remembered. But I knew I had to defeat it. It would not have a hold on me any longer. I had played the game, and lost.
I climbed off the couch. Slowly inching my way towards it. I was determined to do this. This time I would be victorious.
I reached it. It wasn't as big as I had previously thought. Or was it? I knew I could do this. I stepped onto it's body. Pushed the buttons....
And started to walk, almost run, for 50 minutes.
I had tamed the beast!!!
It had been a LONG time since I felt well enough to venture onto the treadmill. But it sure felt good when I was done.
I had Dr. Phil on, as Isaiah was sleeping, and Hannah was colouring. Mike has lovingly placed the beast in front/side of the tv so atleast I can feel productive while I half way through the segment, during one of the many commercials...of which I do not pay any attention to, I heard one of my favourite songs come on. Suddenly beside me, as straight as a board, with her head held high, I see Hannah staring intently at the tv....
And this is what I heard....

O Canada
Our home me native wand
True keaver more
In all our sons come hand
With glowing hearts, we see thee nar
With true north song and free
O Canada, from far and wide
We stand on guard for thee..........
God keeper man
Glowing hearts indeed
O Canada
We stand on guard for thee

I wondered if she even knew that a few of those words were not even real words? I realized the way the words would flow meant nothing to her, but did she really think keaver was a word? She didn't care. She was standing on guard. Singing with all of her 4 years, all of her might, a song she obviously loved.
I know that soon enough, she will know all the words, the real ones, by heart. My prayer is that she will continue to do the best she can, with what she has, and feels she knows. May she give all she has.
And even more, may I, Lord, give all I have, with all my might. With a glowing heart indeed.

"She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head." Mark 14:3

Friday, February 16, 2007

"You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.
You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."
Psalm 139: 15,16

*****Disclaimer.... I in NO WAY intend to offend anyone. I have had 2 healthy children thus far, and therefore am basing my opinion on my previous experiences. If you have opted to have the test I write about, I do not mean to have you feel condemned, or judged. I am only writing my emotions, at this moment, as I feel them. Had my situations been different, or family history been different, so may my actions have been. (I would love to hear about your experience if it differs from mine.) God bless you whatever decision you made. **********

I FINALLY went for my first pre-natal appointment. A little late I know, but it's not that I was putting it off. I don't have anything against doctors. I just wasn't feeling well enough to drag my sorry butt out. So I waited. Until today.
Everything was as I had remembered. The "not-so-comfortable bed" with the oven mitt covered stirrups, the "leave nothing to the imagination gown" in my favourite colour-puke green, and the hasty nurse,who obviously hadn't had her morning coffee yet, asking for "samples" --on demand (urine). (Couldn't we have conducted this test at 2am this morning?? I guarantee I would have filled the cup then!!) There was the never forgiving scale (why did I feel the need to take my shoes off?? Like that matters!!), the cold, sterile stethescope, and a filing cabinet full of "must reads" if you are pregnant. It is one of those pamphlets that have sparked this blog.
"Are you taking your vitamins?" my doctor asks
"No, they make me sick." I reply.
He takes a moment and flips through the mountain of paperwork that makes up my file. He must remember something because he nods.
"Oh yes. You were quite sick with the other two. Right. Well, you should still try and take some. I'll give you a prescription to help with the sickness." He offers.
I smile and take the prescription.
"Do you want an aids test?" He continues. Hmm??? An aids test? Why in the world...
"Umm.. do I have to have one?" I questioned.
"Nope. I just have to ask."
"No, I don't have aids and I don't need a test. But thanks." Why had I just said thanks? It seemed ridiculous to me that he was asking, and I politely say thanks? I suddenly realize I am as odd as Mike says I am.
"There's this test. (he names it..sorry I forget) OHIP offers it to all pregnant patients. It will decipher if the baby has downs or spina bifida" He explains.
"No thanks." I quickly respond.
"Now seeing as you're getting up there, (getting up there??? somebody PLEASE tell me when 31 moved into the "getting up there" category!!??), you may want to consider this test. You know you're odds are getting higher."
I couldn't quite understand what my "odds" had to do with it? I was pregnant, having a baby, I didn't much care what my odds were.
"No, we're keeping the baby no matter what."
"For down's syndrome your odds are 1/754, and for spina bifida it is 1/1500." He continues...This man won't stop.
I wanted to scream.....MY ODDS FOR DIVORCE ARE 1in2 BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING!!, I didn't. I just sat there. I must have looked perturbed, or perplexed though because he sighs.
"Butttt.. I see you aren't interested." He begins to scribble. I wonder if he had heard anything I had previously said.
I breathe. Why was I frustrated at this man? This had nothing to do with him. It had everything, in my opinion, to do with society. And our fears. And our selfishness. Did they really have to offer me a "free" test to see if my baby had some ailment?? Have we progressed so far, or regressed so far back, that it would actually make a difference if we knew? And if something was wrong, then what? Would one have the medical option to abort? Would one live the next months studying on what "might" happen, and how one "should" prepare?
I just didn't get it.
And then I realize.
Neither do they.
They look at it through worldly eyes. They need their options. They are not comforted in knowing the truth.
I however, rested in knowing that HE.."is knitting this child together in my womb" HE "is making all the delicate, inner parts of it's body." HE "is watching this child in it's utter seclusion" -- ( I use "it" for lack of a better term. I do not know the sex)
I am comforted by the truth. God knows the plans for this child. I don't need to know... I need to rest in KNOWING that God does. And I am okay with that. I am comforted by his truth.

P.s. Some day I may blog on this subject a bit more. You see, my mother was once told that one of her babies would either die in the womb, or come out severly handicapped...but, PRAISE GOD, she opted to keep me.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

"Come, let us sing to the Lord!

Let us give a joyous shout to the rock of our salvation!
Let us come before him with thanksgiving, Let us sing him psalms of praise.
For the Lord is a great God, the great King above all gods.
He owns the depths of the earth, and even the mightiest mountains are his.
The sea belongs to him, for he made it. His hands formed the dry land too.
Come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the Lord our maker, for he is our God.
We are the people he watches over, the sheep under his care."
Psalm 95:1-7

And the verdict is still out...on my dad that is. More tests are too come. This is good news. Why you say? From previous doctors appointments, we felt as though we were to expect the worst today. Although one would not confirm without more tests being done, one doctor allowed us to believe it would be a bad case of (colon) cancer. (you always read more into it than you should, telling yourself you need to prepare for the worst.) One doctor suggested that "there is definately something wrong. And it may be VERY difficult to fix." So, with that, we set forth. And believe.

Today, the tests did NOT show cancer! (WOOHOO!!) They did show a mass of something, but the doctor says this....get ready.... "It seems to be healing itself." (we could have told him that!)....

So, still a few more doctors to come... but, we believe.
Thank you all for praying, and for continuing too.

(This is our beloved Papa....)

Monday, February 12, 2007

Fear NOT!!

" So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strenghten you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" Isaiah 41:10

Tomorrow, my first love, first protector, the first to guide me, the one who taught me right from wrong, the first to provide for me, to encourage me, to strengthen me and comfort me, the one who brought me up only to let me go, my father, will be undergoing yet another physical test. A bit more probing and poking, hoping to find out what the cause of his ailments are. They are confident that this one will tell the truth. But isn't ignorance bliss? Do we really want to know? Haven't we played these scenarios over in our minds one too many times? They say it will be "better to know" "better to see what needs to be fixed". Who says? What could possibly be better about it? They've already told us something is wrong, that it will be difficult to fix. Why can't we just stay here? Denying that anything could really be wrong. Nothing needs fixing. Ignoring the unknowns. What if.....??

And then I realize. I've done it again. My human, sinful nature, has taken hold, and momentarily I've forgotten. Forgotten that I serve a BIG GOD. The one who "knew us before we were born". The one who "knows the plans for us.." The one who "will not leave us nor forsake us". The one who "died so that we may have life, and have life more ABUNDANTLY." The one who "heals all our diseases", who "sticks closer than a brother." The one who "will shield us with his wings." , who "knows the numbers of hairs on our heads." He who "orders his angels to protect us."

I want to burn these in my mind. Brand them into my soul. Write them in my heart. I want to live the next 24 hours knowing that, unlike me, God has not forgotten. God knows. And God cares.


He has not given us the spirit of fear, but of LOVE, POWER and a SOUND MIND!!!

May God bless you all. Please join with me in prayer tomorrow. Amy.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

" A hundred!!"

6:26 am
I blink twice and refocus. Maybe if I squint a little harder. Yep, that's the right time. Why, I wonder, did God design us the way he did. This would be the 6th time I have taken a pee since 11:08 the previous evening. What kind of sleep was a gal to get, with a pee break every hour? "Get used to it!" I tell myself. "This is not going away any time soon." Besides, with a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old, I'm lucky to get that solice. Then I hear it.
Pitter patter, slam, pitter patter.
"Hi mama."
"Hey. It's still nighttime. Mommy's tired."
"Okay. But I slept in bed the whole night. Plus I cleaned my room." (referring to our conversation the night before about how she was to do absolutely nothing the next day-today- until her room was cleaned)
By now I know there is no falling back asleep for me. I was not given the gene that Mike was. Once I am up, usually this time every morning, I am up. I keep my eyes closed, hoping that today would be different.
"Mama..I peed in my pullup..sorry"
Nothing was different. It was inevitable that the plans I had made --fantasy of course-- were not going to come to pass. The only Saturday that Mike & I have off together (it is VERY rare that we have the same day off, let alone a Saturday!!) and there was to be no sleeping in, no lounging...reality of children hits
"just one more thing mama."
"You know how much I love you?"
"No Hannah, how much?"
Okay, so sleeping in was nice, but the reality of being loved " A HUNDRED"...that's so much better. My eyes open. I smile and hug.
I hear it again..
pitter patter, slam, pitter patter
"Hi Mama. Goud murnin"
"Hi honey."
Well, there it was. My day had officially started.
6:51 a.m.
7:02 a.m.
"Okay guys, want to watch some tv?"
We all know that answer. And with that my children were heading off the bed.
"Oh mama" Hannah says as her face is 2 inches from mine, her hair itching my chin, her stale morning breath aimed right at my nostrils...
"yes honey"
"You're so beautiful. And I love you. And you're a princess. Good bye"
And with that, they were gone.

7:11 a.m.
Time to rise and make breakfast.
Today, I will try to look at my loved ones with the love of a child. The love that God wants us to have. I will remind myself that they were placed in my life for a reason. LOVE.
And I will love them "A HUNDRED!"

Friday, February 9, 2007

For you, my friend, I love you.

Well, this is my 3rd time trying to post tonight. Here goes

I have an absolute best friend. She has been a staple in my life for many years. She knows me well. And she loves me still. She is a gem. She is caring and trustworthy. She gives without asking for anything in return. She is kind. She is faithful. Her love is unconditional. She is JOY.

My prayer for you, my love, is that Psalm 91 will be your guide. My heart and soul cry for you. May God be your comfort now and always.

"Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare of the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him....." Psalm 91: 1&2.

And now, as I leave crying, may you, my friend (who this post is for) rest in complete peace and love. You are truly loved. For the rest of my friends reading, may you's, as well, rest in peace and love.