Friday, March 2, 2007

Day #2...UGH!!

So here we are, the "Reformation Team", excited and beaming with anticipation. We read the blog a few days ago, prayed and meditated on what God had in store for us, and jumped on the band wagon to reformation. felt good. All these girls ready to change. Change their weight, change their outlook, change their habits...something, anything that fit for them. It felt so good. God was up to something. Literally from the east to the west. It was time for change.....
Then day #2 came.
I have yet to feel the excitement today. Lol. I think it has passed.
An "issue" that I have been dealing with for years now (I'm sorry I cannot publicly display for chances of offending--it's not huge, just won't go away!! ha), suddenly POPPED UP today. Imagine. And everytime that I have to go down this road, my self worth lowers. It's an issue that attacks my motherhood, my ability as a wife, my decisions and my whole being. And it DRIVES ME CRAZY!! I want to jump up and yell. I want to find a frying pan and run frantically down the road, screaming, with my housecoat on. (Why my housecoat? Who knows...I just feel comfortable in it!!) I want to throw things at my wall. (or people!) I want to move 10 000 miles away. I do none of this though. lol, I do however, spend a fair bit of time crying. It literally drains me physically, emotionally (especially today--being pregnant!) and at times, spiritually. I usually put on some worship music and try to mellow, then forget. In 16 years it has never gone away.
But now, I'm not going to try to forget. I am going to turn some music on, do my #1 reformation on the treadmill, and bring my bible with me. I am going to read my posties, remind myself that I am worthy. I am a good mom. A good wife. A good person. I may not feel love from everyone in my life, but I can't help but feel love from my Saviour. My King of Kings. The one who knows me best, and loves me best. And I will pray to look at this "issue" as God does. He alone is my refuge.

Wow Cheryl...I could have done without this, really it's all good.
I am so glad God continues to change and reform us, the good, bad and the ugly!!
Still not excited, but keeping on keeping on!

"How great is the LOVE the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of GOD!! And that is what we are!!" 1 John 3:1


Holly said...

Oh Amy...I am sorry!!! I think I have the "same issue"

Jen said...



Keep drawing in to Him ,and continue to see yourself through His eyes more often than anyone else's.
It may have been a less than perfect day, but guess what? You are winning the battle just with some of the choices you have made today.


Brandy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brandy said...

Just know I'm cheering you on!!! Your a slendid Aunt and Sis-in-law All of us are better for knowing you!!!


Cheryl said...

My precious friend Amy,

Thanks for being real, you are a treasure. He is helping you with every feeling. He knows what you have asked for in your heart, and He won't disappoint you. Just rest in His perfect love.

Shari said...

You continued to be on my heart and mind throughout today.
You are an amazing woman...not a quitter but an overcomer. With God on your side "all things are possible".
ps I sent an email to you yesterday - hopefully I had the correct address