Wednesday, May 28, 2008

i am:  a child of God.
i think: I don't know as much as I think I do.
i know: I have only began my journey.
i want: to die laughing.
i have: an amazing family.
i wish: I had more patience.
i hate: deceit.
i miss: my friend Joy.
i fear: making mistakes.
i feel: sad.  For my friends.  And the lies.
i hear: the still, small voice of my Father.
i smell: dirt.
i crave: chocolate.
i search: for the good in all things.
i wonder: what tomorrow holds.
i regret: hanging on to bitterness.
i love: being me.
i ache: over the hearts of my friends.
i care: about my neighbors.
i always: think too much.
i am not: who I used to be.
i dance: naked.  (LOL!! --Just seeing if you were really reading!!)
i sing: praises to my God.
i don’t always: take time to smell the roses.
i fight: with God, at times.
i write: because I like to.
i win: always.  The battle is WON!
i lose: when I give up.
i never: go to bed angry.
i confuse: lots of people and sometimes myself.
i listen: to my children all day long.
i can usually be found: tidying.
i am scared: of snakes.
i need: diet coke.
i am happy about: life.


Tuesday, May 27, 2008

For my friend....

"Praise You In This Storm"
Casting Crowns

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Saturday, May 24, 2008

There is something better than flowers on your 11th wedding anniversary.....


(it is now midnight, Mike is off to work, kiddies sleeping, and I'm revved on chocolate.....)

Friday, May 16, 2008

Kids can say the darndest things......

Hannah, Isaiah and I were sitting at the counter on Tuesday.  We were enjoying supper together, sitting on the stools, instead of at the table, as Mike was working.  I was in the middle of enjoying a great conversation with my kids.  Isaiah was telling us how big he was getting and how many big boy things he could do.  Hannah then quipped in (remember her 6th birthday was on Sunday!)  "well, now that I'm almost 7".......

Sunday, May 11, 2008

My baby girl (first born) is SIX!!  (It was yesterday but I was having a dousy of a time trying to post)  I can hardly believe it.  It seems like six years (in that so many things have happened), yet it also feels like yesterday(that I was welcoming my first child into the world!).
When we were first married, Mike was anxious to "get going" on child bearing.  I was not.  I had waited 6 years to be married to this man and I wanted some time for just him and I.  About 2 1/2 years into our relationship we decided it was time to "get going".  And month, after month, after month, we waited...and waited...and waited. And month, after month, after month, my "little friend" came to visit.  After about 6 months, we went to see the doctor.  "Come back after it's been a full year" he said.  (I'm sure he thought we were just getting anxious, and in a year we would be coming back with a baby almost due)  But, there wasn't one.  
I would have to say that we did a really good job at being hopeful.  I was aware that I was going to be a mother, whether it be natural or supernatural.  But I believed God knew my heart and wanted to fullfill my dreams.  Obviously in HIS timing.  At around 17 months of trying I remember breaking down.  In the bathtub.  I sobbed and sobbed.  Mike came in and asked "What in the world was I doing??"  Lol.  I stopped.  Momentarily I had lost my faith.  
At 19 months of trying we had just finished tests for Mike (as I guess it's easier to test the male then the female)  and found out that Mike was def. NOT the "problem".  The doctor assured us that if Mike had been promiscuous as a teenager, he would have been a father to MANY..(Mike walked around all puffed up for quite some time after that!!!)  
My turn....  I had a round of tests.  Basic at first.  Bloodwork, urine.  Yada-Yada.

Then a call from the doctors.Seems as though...I was pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!

Hannah Joy was born (early) on May 11, 2002.  (Shortly before Mike and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary.)  I had a terrible pregnancy.  Vomited every single day (multiple times!!) until 4 days before she was born.  I ended up in the hospital 4 weeks early with toximia.  There were many reasons, in the natural, for me to resent carrying this child. Physically she was a bother.  But I felt so blessed to finally be able to carry her, and then birth her...   She is a true jem.

Happy Birthday to my Gracious, Merciful and Joyous Princess!!  (Hannah Joy)

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

A matter of opinion...

I was eating in bed last night.  Yep.  I was.  I know I shouldn't have been.  I was SOOO tired, yet wanted to get a bit of a new book in.  Plus I was "munchy".  "THEY" (whoever they are) say not to eat after supper--and def. not to eat in bed.  But I snacked away, on long, sour, licorice like candy.  MMMMMMM...GOOD!
I fell asleep.  Book in hand, candy beside me, lights on.  
When I awoke this morning, to a bright eyed little boy pulling at the covers, I realized Mike had come home during his shift and situated my "stuff".  He had left the candy on my night stand.  
"mmm...those look GOOD" I hear my first born say.
I knew exactly what she was talking about.  And she was right.  They were good.
I glanced at the clock.  7:36 am.  Not bad.
"yep, they are really good" I said.  smiling.
They both stood there staring.  Saying nothing.  They knew the answer, so why even ask.  
Until I said..
"Would you like one? "
They then stared at me.  Mouths wide. "YES!! PLEASE!! CAN WE?"
"sure" I say "why not? But just one."
Moments later she says "Why are you being so nice this morning mama?"
I laughed.  Nice? I thought.  What is she talking about.
"What do you mean sweet?  nice?"
"Well, you are letting us have candy before breakfast.  That's really nice."
I laughed.

And, as always, God speaks.  Through my current "God-language" (my children) he reminds me that there are times when I want "candy for breakfast" and he says no.  Not because he doesn't want to be "nice", but because, as my Father, he knows "candy for breakfast" isn't good.  It's not healthy.  It will not sustain me through the day.  It could hinder me.  And that although I may not understand, and may want something that looks good (and may taste good) at that moment, it's not what I need.   He knows what I need.  He is taking care of me.  He has my best interest in mind.  He loves me and wants what's best for me.  Always.