The water was cold, yet she stayed in. She hadn't the energy to get out.
How long had she been in there anyways? She couldn't recall.
All she remembered was the fight.
Lately it seemed as though it always ended that way. There had become so much distance between them...she wondered would it ever be the same?
She had been crying for hours. Had she finally run out of tears?
She remained still. The water, although too cold, still allowed that sense of comfort. It had become one of her only comforts... It warmed her when she was cold, the sound of the water moving calmed her senses. It was a constant, was always waiting for her, ready to envelope her. She felt cleansed, renewed. It allowed her, for a moment, to become weightless..
As she sat in the dark this night, she recalled the reason she chose the blackness. Absolutely no light. If she let herself, she could fall into the thinking that that is how she felt--dark, black-- but she wouldn't, she couldn't let herself go there again. Tonight she would not dwell on that, and instead, she would recite the words that had been going through her head since she read them. She was going to try something...see if the words were real. She wanted to believe. She had to believe.
"I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--BUT EVEN IN DARKNESS I CANNOT HIDE FROM YOU." (Psalm 139)
There it was. It had to be true. It felt true. It was true.
As she arose, grabbed for her towel, she continued to memorize these truths. She wanted these in her spirit. She needed these in her spirit. She just might need them again.