Sunday, April 22, 2007

Even in darkness....

The water was cold, yet she stayed in. She hadn't the energy to get out.
How long had she been in there anyways? She couldn't recall.
All she remembered was the fight.
Lately it seemed as though it always ended that way. There had become so much distance between them...she wondered would it ever be the same?
She had been crying for hours. Had she finally run out of tears?
Maybe---for today.
She remained still. The water, although too cold, still allowed that sense of comfort. It had become one of her only comforts... It warmed her when she was cold, the sound of the water moving calmed her senses. It was a constant, was always waiting for her, ready to envelope her. She felt cleansed, renewed. It allowed her, for a moment, to become weightless..
As she sat in the dark this night, she recalled the reason she chose the blackness. Absolutely no light. If she let herself, she could fall into the thinking that that is how she felt--dark, black-- but she wouldn't, she couldn't let herself go there again. Tonight she would not dwell on that, and instead, she would recite the words that had been going through her head since she read them. She was going to try something...see if the words were real. She wanted to believe. She had to believe.
"I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--BUT EVEN IN DARKNESS I CANNOT HIDE FROM YOU." (Psalm 139)

There it was. It had to be true. It felt true. It was true.
As she arose, grabbed for her towel, she continued to memorize these truths. She wanted these in her spirit. She needed these in her spirit. She just might need them again.

15 comments:

Rhonda said...

The bathroom can be a wonderful place of solice.

It takes a lot of strength to gather up the courage to embrace truth when the pain is raw and the darkness is real.

redeemed diva said...

LOVE your writing. LOVE it. Have you been taking up residence in my head lately? I can so completely relate to the ideas of water surrounding me and making a warm cocoon of a safe place. Loved it! Keep writing like this...when's the book coming out? =)

Jen said...

I woke up with this song in my head and my Spirit...
I can't remember all of the words, but this is the phrase that keeps replaying itself:
"keep... holding...on..."
"You're gonna make it through....make it through..."

I am so glad He is strong when we are not...
He makes it so we ALWAYS make it through...THANK YOU LORD!

Williams Family Blog said...

Amy,

Great job......it is so true, no matter where we go he is there.
God will always win at a game of hide and seek. :)

Karen

joy... said...

lovely... it moved me to tears. You have a gift, my friend. I agree, when's the book coming out?! You're a cherished treasure... muah.

Rhonda, I love what you said... " It takes a lot of strength to gather the courage to embrace the truth when the pain is raw and the darkness is real." SO very true of my journey this weekend.

Roxanne said...

God's Word has the power to transform our view in the darkness.

Cheryl said...

Fabulous post!!!

You draw me right in and open a picture into my mind and spirit. I agree about the book.

Love you

Holly said...

I love AMY!

Amy said...

Hey Holly...I love Amy too!!

Shari said...

We love you Amy!!!

Shari said...

Amy

You've penned what I walked through around 10 years ago. I was in a dark - deep hole of depression. Bathing was my escape....sometimes 2-3times a day, I would just sit and soak. I would sing from my heart portions of the Pslams.(I even recording some songs just to play over and over and listened to them when I was all alone) I remember singing of how God was my portion....He was more than enough. I would declare who God was - my Provider, Healer, Deliver, Counsellor, ect.....I kept declaring till it finally began to penetrate my heart and spirit. This was a hard season but my Jesus was so sweet in the midst of it all.

Beautifully written Amy! The gorgeous part is "He Is There". Recently I heard this...when the storm was raging and Peter began to sink into the water...Jesus reached out to Peter...the storm didn't cease...but Jesus resued Peter and got him to safety in the midst of the storm.

I have every confidence that this storm will pass...peace will come again. But in the mean time Jesus will be there holding on, reaching out, and loving dearly.

We love you Joy and will continue to stand with you....you won't go under...you will make it.... you will survive and tell of His Goodness to you. He is a Good and Faithful God and you are an Overcomer!!

Holly said...

At the beginning of this "story" I had the shivers...I felt cold. Then at the end I felt hope. You totally drew me in and I felt like I was the woman in the story! NEAT Amy!!! You have talet and it is a beautiful thing that you are using your gifts!! I am proud of ya!

Holly said...

talet....should read TALENT! lol

Tamatha said...

Amy....definately agree with everyone about the book!:o) Very nicely written:o)

Vicki said...

I've "been there, done that" and proven God faithful every time, but I never couldn't have written about it so beautifully.