It seems as though most of my days lately have been filled with some sort of grace...either grace given TO me, or grace given BY me...and many more examples all around me...I've really been questioning God on what exactly he needs me to learn, because I don't know if I can handle anymore of it...lol...(that may be what he wants me to learn!!!)
Today, like most days, it took my (almost) 5 year old daughter to once again teach me about grace.
I was puttering around the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes and making supper, while she was outside playing with the neighbour boy. He is 5, yet, he is about a foot taller than Hannah and probably 30 pounds heavier than her. We "babysit" (?) him about 3 times a week while his parents are at work, and the rest of the time, the kids are mostly together..(now that spring is here, it is always outside..) They have definatly started playing like brother and sister---which we all know can sometimes get ugly.
I went about my business when Hannah came into the house holding her nose. Her face was red, and tears were welled up in her eyes. Her nose was bleeding--seemed she had somehow torn skin from the side of her nostril.
"what happened honey?"
"David punched me" she said
"he punched you? David? Why honey?"
"well he wasn't sharing the swing, and I told him he had too, but he didn't want too, so he punched me."
Ofcourse with 5 year olds, some of the stories do need to be sifted through to see what REALLY happened...and I wasn't quite sure if there was something I was missing....I knew that kids will be kids, but I was pretty mad. I, being 31, wanted to march out there and take ahold of the kid, being 5, and TELL HIM WHAT I THOUGHT!! (Ha...imagine...and I proclaim to be an "adult")
Instead I took Hannah in my arms and gave her a big hug. We discussed a few more things, put a bandaid on her nose, and dried her tears.
"can I have a poptart mom?" she asked after we fixed her up
"well, okay" I couldn't say no...she just got punched in the face...
While I was getting the poptarts down, I asked "what do you want to do now then?"
"Play with David"
HUH??? Did she just say what I thought she said?? Play with the guy who just punched her in the nose?? The guy who wouldn't share with her or be her friend??
"you do?" I ask.
"yep. and can we break the poptart into pieces? David needs a piece too.."
OKAY...had I just heard her right? Not only did she want to play with this fellow, but she wanted to share her treats with him?? What wasn't I getting?? Much to my dismay, I had to admit I WAS the adult in this situation...why was I having a hard time extending grace, when my baby handed it out like it was candy?---and to a 5 year old to boot!!!
So often we carry around offences and grief, hold grudges and judgement, about what someone did, or someone said. We spend precious time focusing on what happened, who did it, why they shouldn't have...etc..etc......
when all we really need is the grace of a 5 year old.
To think of all the times I should have went back out to play and shared my poptarts....and instead I chose to stay inside and cry about the blood on my face, and the pain in my heart....it would have been so much easier if I had extended a bit of grace......
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Even in darkness....
The water was cold, yet she stayed in. She hadn't the energy to get out.
How long had she been in there anyways? She couldn't recall.
All she remembered was the fight.
Lately it seemed as though it always ended that way. There had become so much distance between them...she wondered would it ever be the same?
She had been crying for hours. Had she finally run out of tears?
Maybe---for today.
She remained still. The water, although too cold, still allowed that sense of comfort. It had become one of her only comforts... It warmed her when she was cold, the sound of the water moving calmed her senses. It was a constant, was always waiting for her, ready to envelope her. She felt cleansed, renewed. It allowed her, for a moment, to become weightless..
As she sat in the dark this night, she recalled the reason she chose the blackness. Absolutely no light. If she let herself, she could fall into the thinking that that is how she felt--dark, black-- but she wouldn't, she couldn't let herself go there again. Tonight she would not dwell on that, and instead, she would recite the words that had been going through her head since she read them. She was going to try something...see if the words were real. She wanted to believe. She had to believe.
"I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--BUT EVEN IN DARKNESS I CANNOT HIDE FROM YOU." (Psalm 139)
There it was. It had to be true. It felt true. It was true.
As she arose, grabbed for her towel, she continued to memorize these truths. She wanted these in her spirit. She needed these in her spirit. She just might need them again.
How long had she been in there anyways? She couldn't recall.
All she remembered was the fight.
Lately it seemed as though it always ended that way. There had become so much distance between them...she wondered would it ever be the same?
She had been crying for hours. Had she finally run out of tears?
Maybe---for today.
She remained still. The water, although too cold, still allowed that sense of comfort. It had become one of her only comforts... It warmed her when she was cold, the sound of the water moving calmed her senses. It was a constant, was always waiting for her, ready to envelope her. She felt cleansed, renewed. It allowed her, for a moment, to become weightless..
As she sat in the dark this night, she recalled the reason she chose the blackness. Absolutely no light. If she let herself, she could fall into the thinking that that is how she felt--dark, black-- but she wouldn't, she couldn't let herself go there again. Tonight she would not dwell on that, and instead, she would recite the words that had been going through her head since she read them. She was going to try something...see if the words were real. She wanted to believe. She had to believe.
"I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me. I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night--BUT EVEN IN DARKNESS I CANNOT HIDE FROM YOU." (Psalm 139)
There it was. It had to be true. It felt true. It was true.
As she arose, grabbed for her towel, she continued to memorize these truths. She wanted these in her spirit. She needed these in her spirit. She just might need them again.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Attitude of Gratitude...
Even if it's Wednesday...
Today I am thankful for:
1. 40 comments on a nothing post--made me laugh on an otherwise difficult 2 days
2. McDonalds French Fries--the only thing that works some days too keep the food down
3. Automatic Dishwashers--so I don't have to wash the stinkies by hand (and end up not keeping the food down)
4. The thought of fuzzy slippers--knowing bending to get socks on is a chore
5. Toothbrushes--enough said
6. And yet another start to spring--hearing my children laugh outside made me smile
7. My children--for being very thoughtful and forgiving even at their young ages
8. My husband--for cooking the chicken and putting the kids to bed
9. Diet Coke--no comments please
10. A loving, merciful, gracious Father God--for paying the price for all of our mistakes and bad days.
"The Lord is gracious and compassionate....slow to anger and rich in love....as far as the east is from the west....THAT"S HOW FAR HE HAS REMOVED OUR TRANGESSIONS FROM US!!!"
Today I am thankful for:
1. 40 comments on a nothing post--made me laugh on an otherwise difficult 2 days
2. McDonalds French Fries--the only thing that works some days too keep the food down
3. Automatic Dishwashers--so I don't have to wash the stinkies by hand (and end up not keeping the food down)
4. The thought of fuzzy slippers--knowing bending to get socks on is a chore
5. Toothbrushes--enough said
6. And yet another start to spring--hearing my children laugh outside made me smile
7. My children--for being very thoughtful and forgiving even at their young ages
8. My husband--for cooking the chicken and putting the kids to bed
9. Diet Coke--no comments please
10. A loving, merciful, gracious Father God--for paying the price for all of our mistakes and bad days.
"The Lord is gracious and compassionate....slow to anger and rich in love....as far as the east is from the west....THAT"S HOW FAR HE HAS REMOVED OUR TRANGESSIONS FROM US!!!"
Monday, April 16, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
Day of Laughter...
Shari mentioned in a comment that we should have days of gratitude, reflection and at least one of laughter in our blogs...so, b/c I have no good stories tonight, I will post these cute sayings of children...
Pay attention to the wording and spelling...They have not been retouched or corrected...They are from a catholic school test....
1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
4. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
5. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
6. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
7. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
8. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
9. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
10. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkesteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
11. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
12. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
13. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
14. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
15. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
16. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
17. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
18. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
19. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
20. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.
21. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
Pay attention to the wording and spelling...They have not been retouched or corrected...They are from a catholic school test....
1. In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the sabbath off.
2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
3. Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
4. Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
5. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
6. The first commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
7. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
8. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
9. The greatest miricle in the bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
10. David was a Hebrew king who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkesteins, a race of people who lived in biblical times.
11. Solomon, one of Davids sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
12. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
13. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
14. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
15. Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.
16. It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
17. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
18. The epistels were the wives of the apostles.
19. One of the oppossums was st. Matthew who was also a taximan.
20. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity, he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.
21. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Friday, April 13, 2007
A part of me...
(YES!! Mike is sleeping IN the crib with Isaiah....!)
I have been hesitant to write this for a long time now. a) I do not want to sadden those of you who are facing difficult situations. It's a very tender subject. b) at times people don't always understand...and no matter how you try to explain it, they don't see it the way you feel it... (sounds like a relationship doesn't it??!!)
You see, I think there is one person on this planet that I love "more" than anyone....(I am hesitant to say "more"..as you will see why).. Maybe I should say "different".?
I have been so blessed with my life. I have a wonderful family. My parents would do anything for me. They love me unconditionally and always have. My brother..enough said. I have 2 beautiful, wonderful, amazing children, whom I love with every fibre of my being. A love that is so unique, so genuine, so pure. True blessings.
These are blessings that were chosen FOR me. God knew these were the people that I needed in my life, to shape who I am.
He gave them to me, no choice, no decision, just as a blessing.
There is one blessing, however, that was chosen BY me. (Don't get me wrong-- I believe God purposed our lives, but we could have chosen different paths.)
And maybe that's why I feel the way I do...because it was my choice. And now I have to live with my choice.
But I LOVE living with my choice.
I absolutely, with everything I am, love and adore my husband.
Sure, there are times...(we have all been there, we will all be there...Why can't he just pick up??!! lol)
But when I forget all the petty things, and focus on who he is, I am amazed at how God has blessed me with a choice I made. Mike is the most perfect husband for me. He loves me more than anything. And I know it. He adores me. He always stands behind me, whether he agrees or not. He thinks I am beautiful. He never makes me feel inferior, or less than. Always esteems me in front of our children. Will not allow them to sass or back talk to me. He is an amazing father. He loves his children. He wants only the best for them, and he knows that they need him. He loves God and strives to be more like him despite his failures. He takes his job seriously and works hard at it. (It amazes me that he can go to work, deal with drug dealers reaching for guns, gay lovers so ravished with aids that they are running around the streets naked, drunk men who have just broken their girlfriends arm-while their children watch, a depressed man who has just shot his head off, being spit on regularly, being called a ***@@@ and a $#%* nightly---and then come home to us and extend to us so much love.)
He is often misunderstood and judged.
But I don't see any of that.
I see a choice I make, and a choice he makes, and that God over and abundantly blesses us with our choices.
Mike is a part of me. A part that I love more than any words can express.
And because I have the freedom of love in my marriage, it allows for me to openly strive for, and seek, a love for God like no earthly love. I am in awe that I am able to love EVEN MORE than I do. God loves me so much more than anyone could, and I am free to choose to love him back. And love him with all my heart, mind and soul.
I am blessed by my husband.
You may, or may not have such a blessing.
But we are all given the opportunity to give and take the love of God.
The earthly love we feel is NOTHING in comparison to the heavenly love that is just waiting for us to take.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Small post, small request...
Hey guys.
Small post tonight, checking my email, taking a bath and GOING TO BED...my back has been giving me troubles as of late, so it is time to rest!!!
Tomorrow, Wednesday April 11 (in the afternoon)...my dad has yet another doctors appointment..this time to tell more news of what it "may" be...
Any and all prayer is requested..
If you know him, you love him, so send out a healing prayer for him!!
(oh yeah, peace for my mama, as it takes it toll on her too!!)
THANKS blogging friends!!
"Because God is the best, High King over all the gods. In one hand he holds deep caves and caverns, in the other hand grasps the high mountains. He made Ocean-he owns it!! His hands sculpted Earth!" Psalm 95 (Message)
Small post tonight, checking my email, taking a bath and GOING TO BED...my back has been giving me troubles as of late, so it is time to rest!!!
Tomorrow, Wednesday April 11 (in the afternoon)...my dad has yet another doctors appointment..this time to tell more news of what it "may" be...
Any and all prayer is requested..
If you know him, you love him, so send out a healing prayer for him!!
(oh yeah, peace for my mama, as it takes it toll on her too!!)
THANKS blogging friends!!
"Because God is the best, High King over all the gods. In one hand he holds deep caves and caverns, in the other hand grasps the high mountains. He made Ocean-he owns it!! His hands sculpted Earth!" Psalm 95 (Message)
Thursday, April 5, 2007
These are a few of my favourite things....
Almost daily, I thank God for my hearing. What a different world it would be for me if I could not hear my favourite things...
and this is a VERY long list.... (I could NEVER write them all..so here are a few)
I love the sound of my daughter singing. She loves to sing any song. Oft times she just makes up her own. " I love my mama, and my daddy too...but I love Jesus best of all." The sound of a pure, genuine love for God. (Why WOULDN"T we sing of our love for Jesus??)
I love the sound of my son learning new words, and putting these words into sentences...I beam when he reads (memorizes) books-- "Siny an bight (Shiny and bright) Keen cah (Clean Car)" The sound of a mind soaking up all it can get..everything he hears. The sound of growth.
I love the sound of thunder in the middle of the night. Waking up to a rainstorm is pure joy to me. The sound of the wonder of this world God made.
I love the sound of children playing. Screaming, laughing, crying... The sound of relationship, of peace, of love.
I love the sound of my neices (Katie) laughter... It comes right from her "gut"..as though nothing else has ever been so funny. It makes you laugh, even it it wasn't the slightest bit funny. It brings me to tears knowing she has joy in her mixed up world.
I love the sound of my father singing. A bit off key, a pitch to high, but the sound of a man that has come SO far, has taught me so much and has the love of Jesus deep down. (Why WOULDN"T we sing of our love for Jesus???)
But tonight, I love the sound that is coming from upstairs. The sound of a father and his children. The sound of a very tired man (after a VERY long week) and two needy, longing children to be with their daddy....
"I'm going to get you......AHHHHH!!"
A scream of pure joy..
"No you aren't...AHHHHHHH...no daddy..." giggles all around
Then a book. One of each child's choice.
Then the sound of 3 voices mingled together..
"Our father"
"Who aught in heaven"
"halow be name"
......
The POWER (the voices get louder)
The GLORY (and louder)
FOREVER AND EVER....(now they are shouting)
Amen
Does it get any better than this?
Thank you Lord for being able to hear your blessings.
and this is a VERY long list.... (I could NEVER write them all..so here are a few)
I love the sound of my daughter singing. She loves to sing any song. Oft times she just makes up her own. " I love my mama, and my daddy too...but I love Jesus best of all." The sound of a pure, genuine love for God. (Why WOULDN"T we sing of our love for Jesus??)
I love the sound of my son learning new words, and putting these words into sentences...I beam when he reads (memorizes) books-- "Siny an bight (Shiny and bright) Keen cah (Clean Car)" The sound of a mind soaking up all it can get..everything he hears. The sound of growth.
I love the sound of thunder in the middle of the night. Waking up to a rainstorm is pure joy to me. The sound of the wonder of this world God made.
I love the sound of children playing. Screaming, laughing, crying... The sound of relationship, of peace, of love.
I love the sound of my neices (Katie) laughter... It comes right from her "gut"..as though nothing else has ever been so funny. It makes you laugh, even it it wasn't the slightest bit funny. It brings me to tears knowing she has joy in her mixed up world.
I love the sound of my father singing. A bit off key, a pitch to high, but the sound of a man that has come SO far, has taught me so much and has the love of Jesus deep down. (Why WOULDN"T we sing of our love for Jesus???)
But tonight, I love the sound that is coming from upstairs. The sound of a father and his children. The sound of a very tired man (after a VERY long week) and two needy, longing children to be with their daddy....
"I'm going to get you......AHHHHH!!"
A scream of pure joy..
"No you aren't...AHHHHHHH...no daddy..." giggles all around
Then a book. One of each child's choice.
Then the sound of 3 voices mingled together..
"Our father"
"Who aught in heaven"
"halow be name"
......
The POWER (the voices get louder)
The GLORY (and louder)
FOREVER AND EVER....(now they are shouting)
Amen
Does it get any better than this?
Thank you Lord for being able to hear your blessings.
Monday, April 2, 2007
Gratitude Saturday....
So..I'm a little late....When you work weekends, you must be prepared to alter your schedule...Plus..better late than never...
I am thankful for.....
Dirty children---I love springtime. Dirty clothes, dirty children, dirty bathtub. I LOVE to see the mud smeared down their cheeks and grass stains on their knees. It means fresh air. God's goodness. Memories. Funtimes.
I am so thankful for dirt.
Hot water--- to not only wash the dirty children and the dirty clothes, and the dirty tub, but to eventually unwind in once those dirts are asleep...ahh.
Funny children---I guess not so wisely, I jokingly called Hannah a "dirtbag". She was absolutely filthy. Since she was just getting out of the tub, she said "MAMA! I'm not a dirtbag. I'm a cleanbag." .. Made me laugh.
I am thankful for.....
Dirty children---I love springtime. Dirty clothes, dirty children, dirty bathtub. I LOVE to see the mud smeared down their cheeks and grass stains on their knees. It means fresh air. God's goodness. Memories. Funtimes.
I am so thankful for dirt.
Hot water--- to not only wash the dirty children and the dirty clothes, and the dirty tub, but to eventually unwind in once those dirts are asleep...ahh.
Funny children---I guess not so wisely, I jokingly called Hannah a "dirtbag". She was absolutely filthy. Since she was just getting out of the tub, she said "MAMA! I'm not a dirtbag. I'm a cleanbag." .. Made me laugh.
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