Tuesday, March 31, 2009


I've tried to write this post numerous times.  It has been difficult as I find I never get my point across.  Quite often I finish and I wonder did I pen my heart well enough?  

My heart is "GRACE".  

Freely given, unmerited, manifestation of favour.

There.  That's my point.

Now here's the blog.

For as long as I've known him, my husband has been misunderstood.  Or so that's the way I see it.  I love him.  My vision may be clouded.
So many times I have heard the words 'moody', 'quiet', 'selfish', 'cocky', 'bi-polar', 'egotistical' to describe him.  Mostly from those that don't really know him. (and not many do).  I have heard "He never says hi to me" or "What's wrong with him" or "Didn't take his pills today?" or "Is he happy or grumpy today?" 

They are always wondering why 'he is the way he is'.

Sometimes,  I would like to rhyme off a list of his wonderful qualities to them.  
Like: how he is FULL of 'passion' and  'loyalty'.  How he is 'goal-orientated' and gives everything he has AND MORE when he commits.  How he is full of 'patience' and ALWAYS says he's sorry first.  Even when he's right.  I would love to ask them how they can't see any of that instead.  Because, to me, it is so evident.

Just look at the way he treats me.

Most often though, I would love to share with them a small glimpse of our lives.  

Like inside, everyday glimpses.
For those of you who don't know, my husband works for our city's police force.  He works in a unit called ERT (emergency response team--SWAT for those in the USA) as the sniper.

He's so cute eh??

Our city isn't huge.  (current guesstimate @ 60 000)  Which means there isn't enough crime for a full-time team.  So, he works on the road, as well as acting sargeant.



And until one is faced with the crime AND situations that he deals with daily, then one will never know why he 'is the way he is'.

I couldn't even start to describe the "stuff".  Seriously, there are days I don't ask because it makes me physically sick.  I will see him sitting quietly on the couch after he's woke up, and my breath gets caught in my throat as I wonder what he may have seen last shift.

Did he see a child that had been sexually assaulted.  Or a mother and wife who was beat up. Had someone attempted, or succeeded in taking their own life?  How many drunks did he arrest?  Did they call him names?  Or spit on him?  Did he have tears in his eyes like I have in mine?

Take tonight for instance.

It's 11:00 p.m.  
Most of you are sleeping--or at least heading that way.

Not him.

He's on his way to work.  In a large city not our own.  He will be dealing with some very dangerous people, that have very dangerous weapons.  He will be knocking down doors, pulling out guns, yelling really loud.  His adrenaline will be pulsing.  He will for sure be sweating.  He may see small children caught in the middle.  There may be blood.  He will be called names. Bad ones.  He may get punched, spit on, kicked.  Or worse.

God willing, he will make his way back home sometime tomorrow.  He'll try to catch a few zzzzz's.  He will get up, kiss his wife, hug his children. He'll barbeque chicken.  Go rollerblading with the kids.  Help his daughter deliver papers.  

He may talk.  
He might not.
He might smile.
He might not.


You see, the best part about grace is that WE DON'T DESERVE IT!    I could list a million things on here to make you understand my husband--but you never will!  God designed him unique.  As he did you and I.  My husband may never be the man YOU want him to be.  He may never handle things the way I might.  He will NEVER see, or hear, or feel enough to deserve grace.

But he will ALWAYS get it.  From God.  And me.

That's the point.

Undeserved, unmerited, freely given.

You may not even know my husband personally.  I'm not specifically asking you to extend grace to HIM.  I am relaying a portion of our lives that is so often misunderstood.  And in that, I hope you may realize that there are people in YOUR lives that are misunderstood as well.  We all have a story.  

The cashier at the grocery store.  The person who delivers your mail.  Who teaches your child. Who cleans your teeth.

None of us deserve grace.

We all can extend it.


Jen said...

Oh Amy!!!
Thank you for your heart's honesty.
I have never known Mike "up close and personal", so have never seen the ups and downs, but I will tell you,(and I spoke these words to someone very recently concerning your Mike). He is a man who's heart is passionately, solidly after God, and I have always loved, respected and TRUSTED that.
I loved seeing who Mike was in worship and knowing it was the real deal, I have loved learning of his love and devotion to his family through your blog posts and I have often prayed for him (and all of you), knowing I could not lead the lives you all lead. Bless you all, and please sleep well tonight...none of us will ever see or fully know the things Mike faces...but God is so very present with him at this very moment, through tonight and every night.
He is such a very big and powerful and GOOD God.

Bless you for being real!

Vicki said...

Amy ... you got your point across, for sure! What a beautiful (and scary) insight into your life. We all do need grace and we all must extend it ... no matter the circumstance or situation. Thanks for the reminder.

redeemed diva said...

What an amazing post! Kudos for sharing it--it's hard sometimes to get that honest on your blog without a backlash of phone calls! I'm so glad you were honest like that. I love how fiercely you love Mike. That's a woman, my friend! I admire you. and your husband. and how you bring it all into focus by talking about GRACE. I'm posting a link to it on my blog.

Shaun and Holly said...

Thanks for sharing your heart Amy. I love it. And I love Mike's too. We have always admired and respected and trusted him. He is a faithful man.The 1st word that I think of when I hear his name is: trustworthy.

I need to pray more for the Police force. Truly, they (and you-the families) see into a world that I do not know. Bless you.

Karen said...

This post could have been written by a very close friend of mine who's husband is in the same line of work. She often feels like she has explain away his 'ways' He may not seem warm on the phone, He may get up and go to bed in the middle of a visit because he knows he has a job to prepare his body for. He probably won't engage in surface level conversation with you on the street.

I have come to understand that he is that way because he sees so much in a day he just doesn't have time for some of the performances the rest of us put on. I imagine the same is true for Mike. He is likely as real and genuine as they come. If he extends some warmth to you you feel it to your very core because it is so meaningful and honest.
I am for one am in awe of these guys. They take in so much garbage that would leave the rest of us in a constant state of negativity if we even managed to climb out of the pit we would fall into.
God has actually blessed them with passion beyond what we know- they would have to passionate about what they do to continue. They are balanced. Loyal. They are skilled at filtering out the junk. And if they love you you know it! I believe they also have the gift of discerment ( A gift I imagine is not all that fun to have) They can read people to their very core.
Yes, these kind of guys you are blessed to have in your corner, your town,
and for you and my dear friend-
Your heart.

SO Although I don't know Mike - I get him.
And he is - Amazing.
Don't get me started about the woman behind the man!! ;)

Tamatha said...

I like the way you think!:o) What a great post....and what a wonderful man you are married to!:o)

Ris said...

I love this post. You are so right, we never know what someone is going through. I think what your hubby is doing is amazing, and I will keep you both in my prayers. I know what you mean about not being able to ask what he saw. I saw the most horrifying thing on the news this week and had to do some serious prayer to get it to quit replaying in my head. God is so good!

gitz said...

Seriously... one of the most truly loving posts I've ever read. My best friend's husband is a cop, and he's sometimes quiet and sometimes too loud... but both are just trying to compensate for the things he's seen and is trying to cope with. I get that.

I also get that we all do that, and if we could all find that place in our hearts that extends grace rather than judging differences... well, we'd all be more peaceful people.

You and your husband are both so blessed to have found each other.

Joy said...

I do love the man you love. Not as you do, but as I do... in seeing his heart, his passion, and his love for you and your children. Knowing his passion for worship - and his connection to the One he worships. He has been a support to me (as have you) and as much as you're my sister and my best friend, he is a brother to me. MUCH love to you both. I miss you. I miss your family.

Tammy said...

Your hubby is a great man, and you a great women of God. Blessings to you!!!!!!
What a great way to show Grace!!!!!!!
You know the saying, behind a great man is an even greater women!!!!!!
Keep it up Amy.......