Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Some would say...

I'm a bit naive. That would be my mothers fault. When you live good and truth, sometimes it's hard to even think of evil. Not that you are perfect...by any means...it just doesn't come as easy as it would for others. Especially those who don't know Jesus. Mind you, I do live a bit on the negative side, but I always try to look at the positive as soon as the negative pops up. Yet there are times when I think (or say) "I couldn't even imagine!"...well, because, I really couldn't imagine.

Last evening a friend of mine and I went to the movies. A good get away..and cheap night to boot!! On our drive home 'my friend' was telling me a bit about 'her friend' ... (is this where one inserts "the friend of a friend" phrase?) This "friend of a friend" is having trouble in her marriage (of 2 years). (no affairs, just not 'happy" anymore)
MY friends response to her was... DIVORCE!
Yes, DIVORCE!
During the conversation I kept saying "but she's married now"..and then "but she's married now". Finally, with a bit more force I said "But she CAN'T..she's MARRIED NOW!" and my friend says "AMYYYYYYYY...that's why they made DIVORCE!!"

Umm....

Now, my friend was telling/asking me because she wanted to know my opinion on what she should tell her friend. Not that it was any of my business (or yours..lol) but 'her friend' was asking..and well..she wanted to know what I thought. Now, this friend I love DEARLY. She does not know Jesus, but she will. She knows of my faith and the answers I will give...but she really was certain that divorce was the answer.

I'm speechless.
I'm sad.

11 comments:

Roxanne said...

Ummm...the 'unhappy friend of a friend' may discover that she is also unhappy if she chooses to go solo. Often the issues go far deeper than the relationship. Divorcing can seem like the only option and the unhappiness may actually have very little to do with the marriage.

Holly said...

Amy,
How sad. I have a friend who has been divorced and is remarried again. Here is something that she has said:
"If I knew what divorce had felt like, I would have tried EVERYTHING in my power to work it out 1st. I had no what divorce would feel like. My heart literally ached and felt like it had been ripped apart."
And this is coming from a woman who had some pretty good reasons to go through with the divorce too!

Divorce is very painful!

Jen said...

There are so many BIG problems in marriages...I find it very naieve and sad when people who have been married for next to no time, start thinking this will solve everything, and really, they just need to refocus and try working at the marriage.
So often the fact that the chemistry is not as strong or gone, or the couple is just not happy anymore, is all it takes for the Big D to rear it's ugly head.

Praying wisdom and boldness for you Amy.

Rhonda said...

Wow. "that's why they made divorce"

Oh my. Bless you Amy as God has put you in this position.

Vicki said...

I agree with everyone that has commented above me. So sad. People that work hard to work out their problems very rarely regret it.

Shari said...

I am reminding why the bible talked of even permitting divorce... "because of the hardness of their hearts"... hard hearts, broken hearts, unwell hearts... it's all very sad.

Mona said...

Amy may the Lord speak His words of wisdom through you.
Truth be told I was in the same position 15 months ago.
Divorce was a possibility in my life but by the Grace and Forgiveness of God we will be celebrating our 25th anniversary this May. I tell you this as I agree with Roxanne on perhaps your friend is unhappy too.
My friends didn't offer support but had keys made for their houses.
Although this was their way of kindness and support it is not the right way. The Right way is listening to women of faith like you.God has given you an opportunity here. I pray that the door opens wider for you to speak His beautiful words.

Cheryl said...

I guess you'll be bringing the only "light" into some dark thoughts and ideas.
Thank God you are her friend!

Anonymous said...

First, living good and truth.. this is just a perception and assumption based on what and who you compare your life too.

As for the marriage part. While I agree that a person who has committed themselves to another should do their best to stay together, seeking counsel if need be as they made a commitment to each other..whether thats under God or not under God

Yet the moment we tell another person " They cant, shouldn't, must not " we are projecting our values ( what we think is important ) on to them, with an expectation that they should live according to our highest values ( whats important to us )

Certainly if your a mother with a child, there is a time of life where taking on the role of making choices for another is vital, but when it comes to friendships and the world at large, you can only ever expect another person to live according to their values

So, in your mind when you saying " She CAN'T " your basically saying it according to what you think is important, and according to your assumption about what God thinks is important through your interpretation of scripture.

We then start labeling Good, Bad, Truth, Not Truth, when really most of those labels are built on assumption, perception and beliefs that we have formed through external teaching and our own world view which can be very one sided, and in trying to see them embraced by others can lead us to resentment, frustration, sadness and ingratitude for what is.

Without gratitude for what is, demonstrating love now because conditional

Again, we can only expect another person to live according to their values, which are to them as important as your ones are to yourself.

Anonymous said...

Made a slight Typo in last comment " Because conditional " should have been " Becomes Conditional "

Holly said...

re. the comment by anonymous.
They brought up some valid points HOWEVER I get the impression that they don't believe in absolutes. I do. I am black and white. I don't believe anyone should give up on a marriage covenant with out 1st fighting for it ESPECIALLY when it is just a case of..."I don't feel like I am happy..." kind of a thing.